It is the way of the world that just about any person can find someone else who "has things easier than she does."
I look at women who had a smooth route to parenthood (and, presumably, will easily have second and third children) and am envious.
Women who had to use IVF or other extreme measures to conceive are envious of me, who only had to use pills for my first pregnancy and miraculously conceived for my second pregnancy.
Women who were never able to have children are envious of those who have.
It is easy to say that one should be grateful for what she has. But, unfortunately, we are all human and can't help feeling sorry for ourselves every now and then.
My friend A's daughter, who turns 1 tomorrow, had 1 hour of fussiness while she was teething. That's all. Then, poof, she had one tooth, and another the next day. This is the same child who doesn't cry when she goes down to sleep and has had a predictable schedule since she was 1 week old.
Tyler, on the other hand, has now had a week of pain. He's absolutely miserable, and while I've tried all the remedies (please don't suggest more), the only thing I can do is wait for that darned tooth to break through. While he's a good baby, he definitely is susceptible to the typical trials and tribulations of infanthood.
I try so hard to just let it go, but I find myself resentful of my friend because she's never "had it rough." She easily became pregnant, had an easy pregnancy and has never once worried about her daughter's health. Call me a terrible person, but I find myself wishing she could go through a rough couple of years so she knows what it's like for the rest of us.
I'm glad this blog is now invite-only, because I wouldn't want somebody who hasn't been following my story to stumble on this post. I know I'm whining, and I know I should be grateful, but it's hard to stop comparing myself to others. I'm worried I won't be able to stop the comparisons when Tyler gets old enough to figure it out. I just don't want to be one of those mothers.
I wish I weren't so damned competitive.
6 comments:
I've been there. I get it. Nothing but hugs coming your way.
I have a friend like that. She has PCOS, like I do, but somehow conceived both her children on the first try. Everything else seems to go right for her too - work, money, everything. So you're normal. Is A sympathetic to your struggles, though? I think part of the problem with my friend is she's so smug and not interested in sympathizing with me.
You are so right about the way you portrayed the chain of envious people, though.
I think most of us gets jealous at some stage - it is how we deal with it that is important. To not let it shine through, not get spiteful, etc. I try to remember that all people have their own struggles, the struggles are sometimes just not that visible. God bless.
It is so easy to look at other people's lives and think how easy they seem. I find myself doing that far too often. But I think it only looks easy because it's rare that we know the full depth of one another's struggles.
Nevertheless, I understand where you're coming from and it's hard.
I used to really envy a friend of mine- and now I don't, because their marriage hit a rough spot because of her husband's work situation, he cheated on her, and left her. And my husband and I survived 2 rough years of infertility and my depression because of it.
I get this, too. I've been on both ends. Some people were envious that we conceived our son the first month of trying (we were VERY lucky). Then after finding our about his heart defects, going through the rest of my pregnancy, envious of other pregnant women who didn't have such worries, who might get to bring home their babies from the hospital. After he died, other parents in our support group were envious/jealous of my husband and I, because we got the chance to hold our baby in our arms while he was still alive. I could go on and on with examples from the last two years, but this is just all so true.
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