Back in the saddle

There's nothing quite like listening to a roomful of doctors discuss your uterus.

Oh hysterosalpinogram, how I've missed you so. Although to be truthful, this time around it didn't hurt nearly so much.

The two or three of you who have been checking in on me periodically must be wondering what's up with me. Here's the rundown, medically and emotionally. First, medically...

M and I have been trying for four cycles now, and zilch. After my last cycle was 7 weeks long, I went in for a reunion with Dr. Hot last week(who is looking a little grey in the temple, by the way). He was all set to start me on a Femara cycle, except that my routine bloodwork turned out to be not-so-routine. I have an underactive thyroid, which means I need to take meds to get me back in line, definitely through a pregnancy, and possibly for the rest of my life. What a bummer. I guess a hormone problem like this can really harm a pregnancy, so God was really watching out for me those months I was trying to get pregnant. It takes my breath away thinking how I dodged a bullet. Yet, even while my brain knows it was a good thing I haven't gotten pregnant yet, my heart is really, really frustrated that it could be several months before I can even start trying again.

Emotionally, I'm starting to feel all the same envy as last time. Although, I have to admit it's not nearly as bad this time around. It does suck, though, because all the toddler play areas are filled with pregnant women. Everywhere I look, someone is knocked up! Honestly, people have just got to stop procreating. After my appointment with Dr. Hot last week, my friend revealed she's 11 weeks pregnant with an "oops" baby--her third. (She didn't know where I'd been.) Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

During my HSG this morning, there was a question about whether my uterus was mishapen, which was why all the doctors were discussing it. It turned out to be nothing, but man, was I nervous.

Ugh. So here I am, in the trenches again. You may have noticed I am no longer a private blog. I decided, to hell with it. If someone I know is reading this blog, welcome to my private thoughts!

I'm going to try my best to post more often now, so stay tuned!