OK, I'm tossing this one out to the peanut gallery because M and I are totally at a loss.
Tyler doesn't have a problem with sleeping--once he actually gets to sleep. Getting him to sleep is the hard part. Every night, I feed him and we try to put him down. Except, he's wide awake, and the more you try to get him sleepy, the angrier he gets. How in the world do we get him tired enough that he consents to being rocked to sleep? When I wake up at night for feedings, I don't have a huge problem putting him back to sleep. Apparently, he's tired enough.
Yes, we use Mr. Karp's 5 S's. Yes, we do the whole "nighttime routine." But none of that works when he's not actually tired!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Settling down
Tyler is actually having a good long nap, which means I have time (!) to update my blog. I love watching him sleep; he just looks so peaceful and cozy. (By the way, I am reading your blogs. However, since my reading time is mostly limited to breastfeeding, I don't have enough hands free to actually comment. Someday, maybe...)
I can already tell that working part time is going to be the right choice for me. Much as I love hanging out with Tyler, I don't get the stimulation I will eventually need. One of the things I loved about freelance writing when I was doing it full time three years ago was that I never knew what kinds of fun assignments each week would bring. The only bad part was that I felt like a slacker in between assignments. I feel like I can get the best of both worlds now--intellectually stimulating work when I want it, and a wonderful distraction all day long. Of course, at some point we're actually going to have to have some semblance of a schedule for napping (otherwise, I'll never get anything done), but we've got time for that. After all, he's not even three weeks old yet!
Here, at long last, is a picture of our little angel:
I can already tell that working part time is going to be the right choice for me. Much as I love hanging out with Tyler, I don't get the stimulation I will eventually need. One of the things I loved about freelance writing when I was doing it full time three years ago was that I never knew what kinds of fun assignments each week would bring. The only bad part was that I felt like a slacker in between assignments. I feel like I can get the best of both worlds now--intellectually stimulating work when I want it, and a wonderful distraction all day long. Of course, at some point we're actually going to have to have some semblance of a schedule for napping (otherwise, I'll never get anything done), but we've got time for that. After all, he's not even three weeks old yet!
Here, at long last, is a picture of our little angel:
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Pondering life and death
I was originally going to write a post about the trials of breastfeeding and putting down a newborn (both take freakin' forever!). But I've been reading enough over the past few days to know that the concerns and frustration (and tears) I've been experiencing are completely normal. Suffice it to say that it will get better--and I'm looking forward to that day. Oh, and I think the breastfeeding is probably going OK (Tyler had gained sufficient weight between last Thursday and Monday. Although I tried to pump again in lieu of breastfeeding today, and only got 1.5 ounces!
No, I'd rather write about some of the emotions I've been experiencing. Today was the first day I was allowed to lift anything heavier than Tyler. To celebrate, he and I went on our very first outing together while M was leading a youth event at church. I was a bit nervous about using the car seat and stroller, but he and I successfully drove to the mall--and I even bought a shirt.
I had to take the highway to the mall. It could be the fact that there's lots of construction on the road, but I noticed I reacted very differently to the drive. I felt like everyone else drove like a bat out of hell, and I have to admit that I was a bit squeamish about everybody's fast lane changes. This coming from an admittedly "offensive" driver. The difference? It's not just me in the car anymore; I now have Tyler to worry about. That changes everything. It feels good...but kinda scary. The world is a big, bad place!
As I tried, tried and tried some more to find a parking space at the mall, I remembered that we're getting closer to the holidays, and that the crowds were probably indicative of early Christmas shopping. And then I remembered that I had visited the mall just two weekends later last year and noticed the same thing. Only last year, I was at the mall to buy an urn for Zach, who had been stillborn just three days before. And I looked around at the colorful falling leaves and remembered looking at those same leaves last year as I grieved, and I was unspeakably sad. The happiest day and the saddest day of my life are in the same season. They will be forever linked together. Because of death, there is life.
I love both my sons with all my heart.
No, I'd rather write about some of the emotions I've been experiencing. Today was the first day I was allowed to lift anything heavier than Tyler. To celebrate, he and I went on our very first outing together while M was leading a youth event at church. I was a bit nervous about using the car seat and stroller, but he and I successfully drove to the mall--and I even bought a shirt.
I had to take the highway to the mall. It could be the fact that there's lots of construction on the road, but I noticed I reacted very differently to the drive. I felt like everyone else drove like a bat out of hell, and I have to admit that I was a bit squeamish about everybody's fast lane changes. This coming from an admittedly "offensive" driver. The difference? It's not just me in the car anymore; I now have Tyler to worry about. That changes everything. It feels good...but kinda scary. The world is a big, bad place!
As I tried, tried and tried some more to find a parking space at the mall, I remembered that we're getting closer to the holidays, and that the crowds were probably indicative of early Christmas shopping. And then I remembered that I had visited the mall just two weekends later last year and noticed the same thing. Only last year, I was at the mall to buy an urn for Zach, who had been stillborn just three days before. And I looked around at the colorful falling leaves and remembered looking at those same leaves last year as I grieved, and I was unspeakably sad. The happiest day and the saddest day of my life are in the same season. They will be forever linked together. Because of death, there is life.
I love both my sons with all my heart.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tyler's birth
And now (drum roll please)...the long-awaited birth story.
I was scheduled to be induced early Saturday morning (Oct. 11). My OB had asked me to come into the hospital for an overnight the night before to have my cervix softened. That afternoon, I started having very minor contractions. By the time we were driving to the hospital, I was having them on a semi-regular basis, but they barely hurt. Sure enough, the monitor showed they were 4 to 6 minutes apart, but I still hadn't dilated more than 1.5 cm. It was a miserable night because I had insomnia and the contractions were just annoying enough that I couldn't drop off. I hate insomnia.
At 4 a.m., right after I had started dozing (of course), I was awakened by a mega contraction and a sort of...pounding feeling. It felt like the baby (or SOMETHING) had just pummeled my cervix HARD. After another big contraction, I talked the nurse into doing another cervical check. I hadn't progressed, but while she was checking, my water broke. Um, I guess at least something was happening.
The next two hours were not fun at all. At the time, I would have said they were hell, but my definition of hell changed that afternoon. By 6 a.m., the OB on call was checking my cervix again, and thank heavens I was at 4 cm, so she gave the OK for the epidural. That was wonderful. M and I slept on and off the rest of the morning and early afternoon.
At 2:45 p.m., things started getting...uh, interesting. My OB (who was the on-call doc, thank goodness) wanted me to start pushing. Public service announcement: They turn down your epidural when you start pushing so you can more easily feel the contractions. Translation: It still hurts like hell. My problem was that my baby wasn't making very much progress. Two hours after I started pushing, I was begging for a c-section. It's one thing to go through this incredible pain (I swear, I have never been so tired and frustrated in my life); it's another to go through the pain while knowing it's not doing much good. On top of that, I wasn't making much urine, and the urine I was passing was bloody. (We later learned my bladder was swollen and blocking the baby's way to the birth canal.) My OB finally talked me into pushing a little while longer to see if she could get the baby down far enough to use forceps or suction, but to no avail. After 2 1/2 hours of pushing, she agreed to do a c-section.
The bad part was, I was midway through pushing while they prepped for surgery, and rather than the pain subsiding, it got worse. For about 45 minutes, all I experienced was one long contraction and lots and lots of pressure. It was agony. And of course the anesthesiologist was the last to arrive for the surgery.
The surgery itself progressed smoothly. It wasn't until Tyler had been born (I shooed M away to be with him; Tyler needed his father more than I needed him) and they were trying to get the placenta out that my OB ran into difficulties. I found out later that I had a certain type of placenta that becomes very difficult to remove. So even if I had had a vaginal birth, I may have needed a D&C. During this time, I started feeling pain, so the anesthesiologist was rushing to give me more meds. As a result, I didn't get to see Tyler until we were back in my room, about 2 hours after he was born.
My OB's assessment? A c-section was the right move. She's not sure if I would ever have been able to give birth to Tyler vaginally. My assessment? It really, really sucks experiencing the worst of both worlds, but I'm thankful that I seem to be recovering from surgery remarkably well.
In the next couple of days, I'll post more about what my days are like. Suffice it to say that things are a whole lot better. My milk is in, and (wonder of wonders) I'm actually sleeping.
I was scheduled to be induced early Saturday morning (Oct. 11). My OB had asked me to come into the hospital for an overnight the night before to have my cervix softened. That afternoon, I started having very minor contractions. By the time we were driving to the hospital, I was having them on a semi-regular basis, but they barely hurt. Sure enough, the monitor showed they were 4 to 6 minutes apart, but I still hadn't dilated more than 1.5 cm. It was a miserable night because I had insomnia and the contractions were just annoying enough that I couldn't drop off. I hate insomnia.
At 4 a.m., right after I had started dozing (of course), I was awakened by a mega contraction and a sort of...pounding feeling. It felt like the baby (or SOMETHING) had just pummeled my cervix HARD. After another big contraction, I talked the nurse into doing another cervical check. I hadn't progressed, but while she was checking, my water broke. Um, I guess at least something was happening.
The next two hours were not fun at all. At the time, I would have said they were hell, but my definition of hell changed that afternoon. By 6 a.m., the OB on call was checking my cervix again, and thank heavens I was at 4 cm, so she gave the OK for the epidural. That was wonderful. M and I slept on and off the rest of the morning and early afternoon.
At 2:45 p.m., things started getting...uh, interesting. My OB (who was the on-call doc, thank goodness) wanted me to start pushing. Public service announcement: They turn down your epidural when you start pushing so you can more easily feel the contractions. Translation: It still hurts like hell. My problem was that my baby wasn't making very much progress. Two hours after I started pushing, I was begging for a c-section. It's one thing to go through this incredible pain (I swear, I have never been so tired and frustrated in my life); it's another to go through the pain while knowing it's not doing much good. On top of that, I wasn't making much urine, and the urine I was passing was bloody. (We later learned my bladder was swollen and blocking the baby's way to the birth canal.) My OB finally talked me into pushing a little while longer to see if she could get the baby down far enough to use forceps or suction, but to no avail. After 2 1/2 hours of pushing, she agreed to do a c-section.
The bad part was, I was midway through pushing while they prepped for surgery, and rather than the pain subsiding, it got worse. For about 45 minutes, all I experienced was one long contraction and lots and lots of pressure. It was agony. And of course the anesthesiologist was the last to arrive for the surgery.
The surgery itself progressed smoothly. It wasn't until Tyler had been born (I shooed M away to be with him; Tyler needed his father more than I needed him) and they were trying to get the placenta out that my OB ran into difficulties. I found out later that I had a certain type of placenta that becomes very difficult to remove. So even if I had had a vaginal birth, I may have needed a D&C. During this time, I started feeling pain, so the anesthesiologist was rushing to give me more meds. As a result, I didn't get to see Tyler until we were back in my room, about 2 hours after he was born.
My OB's assessment? A c-section was the right move. She's not sure if I would ever have been able to give birth to Tyler vaginally. My assessment? It really, really sucks experiencing the worst of both worlds, but I'm thankful that I seem to be recovering from surgery remarkably well.
In the next couple of days, I'll post more about what my days are like. Suffice it to say that things are a whole lot better. My milk is in, and (wonder of wonders) I'm actually sleeping.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Head above water - barely
Like many of you new moms out there, I intend on writing a birth story (trust me, it's a good one). However, I simply can't formulate my thoughts coherently enough to write it. So instead, you get a completely unorganized list of thoughts I'm having/scenes from my new life/my ever-growing list of worries.
1. I have a newborn baby in my house who is completely dependent on me. Holy. Cow. There's no turning back now. Not that I'd want to, but still...
2. I paced around the house holding a screaming baby last night, tears streaming down my face. Not because I was happy, but because I had no idea how to calm him (yes, I've read all the right books, but none of the methods, including Mr. Karp's, were working), and I was so very, very tired.
3. When Tyler is coming into my breast for a feed, he shakes his head back and forth and looks for all the world like a little mouse.
4. It's been six days since he was born, and I'm still waiting for my milk to come in (all I have is the transitional stuff so far). Ever the optimist, I'm convinced my milk will never come in.
5. We saw the ped yesterday. While he's not concerned with Tyler's huge loss of weight (15 oz in five days), he wants to see him again on Monday, and if he's still losing weight, we're going to have to start supplementing with formula. Yet another way in which my body doesn't seem to be working as it should.
6. I have godawful nipple pain whenever Tyler nurses. Ok, it's not godawful, but it isn't the most fun thing in the world. It necessitate the use of a nipple shield.
7. I have an incredibly beautiful baby. I can't seem to find any of his features that actually look like me, but I suppose that's fine. The nurses at the hospital said he's too pretty to be a boy (on account of his long eyelashes).
8. I have constipation (because of the pain meds) for the first time in a year. It sucks.
9. On the other hand, I feel (and M feels, as a veteran of two hernia surgeries) that I am recovering remarkably well from my c-section. I could definitely see doing this again (once you hear my birth story, you'll understand why I probably won't be a proponent of a VBAC).
10. Yes, parenting is lots and lots of hard work. However, he's just so darned cute!
11. I have the best OB in the world.
1. I have a newborn baby in my house who is completely dependent on me. Holy. Cow. There's no turning back now. Not that I'd want to, but still...
2. I paced around the house holding a screaming baby last night, tears streaming down my face. Not because I was happy, but because I had no idea how to calm him (yes, I've read all the right books, but none of the methods, including Mr. Karp's, were working), and I was so very, very tired.
3. When Tyler is coming into my breast for a feed, he shakes his head back and forth and looks for all the world like a little mouse.
4. It's been six days since he was born, and I'm still waiting for my milk to come in (all I have is the transitional stuff so far). Ever the optimist, I'm convinced my milk will never come in.
5. We saw the ped yesterday. While he's not concerned with Tyler's huge loss of weight (15 oz in five days), he wants to see him again on Monday, and if he's still losing weight, we're going to have to start supplementing with formula. Yet another way in which my body doesn't seem to be working as it should.
6. I have godawful nipple pain whenever Tyler nurses. Ok, it's not godawful, but it isn't the most fun thing in the world. It necessitate the use of a nipple shield.
7. I have an incredibly beautiful baby. I can't seem to find any of his features that actually look like me, but I suppose that's fine. The nurses at the hospital said he's too pretty to be a boy (on account of his long eyelashes).
8. I have constipation (because of the pain meds) for the first time in a year. It sucks.
9. On the other hand, I feel (and M feels, as a veteran of two hernia surgeries) that I am recovering remarkably well from my c-section. I could definitely see doing this again (once you hear my birth story, you'll understand why I probably won't be a proponent of a VBAC).
10. Yes, parenting is lots and lots of hard work. However, he's just so darned cute!
11. I have the best OB in the world.
Monday, October 13, 2008
M filling in with good news.
Hi all,
I'm filling in for Ann today, as she is a bit laid up. Ann promises to give the full scoop in a few days in her much more interesting style, so bear with my fumbling...
As scheduled, we packed up for the hospital on Friday to check in for cervidel (sp?) to soften the cervix prior to being induced Saturday morning. However, she actually started early labor contractions Friday afternoon. They progressed, along with the cervidel, to active labor early Saturday morning. We added pitocin in the morning and started pushing around 2:30 Saturday afternoon. Two and a half hours into pushing, Ann and the OB agreed labor was stalled and we went for a cesarian section.
Our prayers were answered at 6:19 pm when our son, Tyler, was born. The big guy is 22-1/2 inches tall and 9 lb, 4 oz. He has a full head of hair, complete with long eyelashes and full eyebrows.
Ann is healing and is, of course, sore and tired. She is pushing herself to get back to health as quickly as possible. While she is looking forward to getting home,
it's nice to have all these wonderful people waiting an us.
As long as I've got creative control for the moment, I want to thank all of you for your support and the community you forged here in the blogosphere. It has been wonderful to share in each others' challenges and triumphs. This world truly benefits from close knit groups like this. That's all from M for now.
-Cheers!
I'm filling in for Ann today, as she is a bit laid up. Ann promises to give the full scoop in a few days in her much more interesting style, so bear with my fumbling...
As scheduled, we packed up for the hospital on Friday to check in for cervidel (sp?) to soften the cervix prior to being induced Saturday morning. However, she actually started early labor contractions Friday afternoon. They progressed, along with the cervidel, to active labor early Saturday morning. We added pitocin in the morning and started pushing around 2:30 Saturday afternoon. Two and a half hours into pushing, Ann and the OB agreed labor was stalled and we went for a cesarian section.
Our prayers were answered at 6:19 pm when our son, Tyler, was born. The big guy is 22-1/2 inches tall and 9 lb, 4 oz. He has a full head of hair, complete with long eyelashes and full eyebrows.
Ann is healing and is, of course, sore and tired. She is pushing herself to get back to health as quickly as possible. While she is looking forward to getting home,
it's nice to have all these wonderful people waiting an us.
As long as I've got creative control for the moment, I want to thank all of you for your support and the community you forged here in the blogosphere. It has been wonderful to share in each others' challenges and triumphs. This world truly benefits from close knit groups like this. That's all from M for now.
-Cheers!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Place holder - 40w6d
This is really just a post to let you guys know that I'm still around. I have nothing new or insightful to say. While I have been adamantly opposed to induction for quite a while (excepting, of course, for medical reasons), I have to admit that I take comfort in knowing that in 48 hours, I'll be in the hospital with a ripening cervix. I kept on quizzing my doctor about the medical necessity of this induction because I wanted to convince myself that I wasn't just doing it so I could get this baby out of me. Because of no-Sunday-induction rules at my hospital, I would either be induced at 41w2d or 41w4d. So I wouldn't call this frivolous.
We're not telling our family we're going to be induced this weekend. We just want to experience labor on our own, without feeling the need to update all the time.
At least I'm not in the office this week. Thank God.
We're not telling our family we're going to be induced this weekend. We just want to experience labor on our own, without feeling the need to update all the time.
At least I'm not in the office this week. Thank God.
Monday, October 6, 2008
40w4d
I had my NST and fluid check today. The good news is that the baby appears to be completely healthy. The disappointing news is that I'm not any more dilated than I was two weeks ago. My OB has officially scheduled an induction for Saturday morning. I am to be admitted to the hospital on Friday night so they can start softening my cervix. Of course, she warned me that induction doesn't always work, so it's not a guarantee I'll have the baby this weekend.
I'm pretty darned sure I won't be going into labor before the induction. I have to admit that a small part of me is saying, "Great--just another natural thing that most women can do that my body just hasn't gotten the hang of."
Since Friday was my last day at work, I've spent most of the last few days lying around. It's weird--most people would welcome the chance to get more things done around the house. But I don't have anything left to do! Sure, I could always clean, but that's pretty physically exhausting for me at this point. Everything else, like starting the baby book, ordering copies of maternity photos, doing more laundry, etc., is all stuff I swore I wouldn't do until after I had a live baby in my arms. So I continue in limbo.
In the meantime, a few select friends and family members keep on calling to check "how things are." I wonder if it's just because they're secretly afraid we won't tell them when something DOES happen. As in, "Oh, sorry Mom, we had the baby two weeks ago. Didn't we tell you? Oops."
I really am doing fine; at least I'm catching up on my "Buffy" watching! And I'm thankful that all involved are healthy. Apparently, our baby is just way too comfortable in my ute!
I'm pretty darned sure I won't be going into labor before the induction. I have to admit that a small part of me is saying, "Great--just another natural thing that most women can do that my body just hasn't gotten the hang of."
Since Friday was my last day at work, I've spent most of the last few days lying around. It's weird--most people would welcome the chance to get more things done around the house. But I don't have anything left to do! Sure, I could always clean, but that's pretty physically exhausting for me at this point. Everything else, like starting the baby book, ordering copies of maternity photos, doing more laundry, etc., is all stuff I swore I wouldn't do until after I had a live baby in my arms. So I continue in limbo.
In the meantime, a few select friends and family members keep on calling to check "how things are." I wonder if it's just because they're secretly afraid we won't tell them when something DOES happen. As in, "Oh, sorry Mom, we had the baby two weeks ago. Didn't we tell you? Oops."
I really am doing fine; at least I'm catching up on my "Buffy" watching! And I'm thankful that all involved are healthy. Apparently, our baby is just way too comfortable in my ute!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
40 weeks
I had a meltdown last night.
It was about midnight and I had tried changing locations in the house in an effort to sleep through at least some of the night, but it wasn’t working. Finally, I stomped back to our bedroom, woke M and proceeded to give him a tearful rendition of how frustrated, tired, annoyed, impatient, etc. I was, and how I had no idea how I was going to feel better. Poor guy, he was sort of taken aback and tried his best to comfort me (he even offered to play cards with me to take my mind off my insomnia), but of course he couldn’t actually do anything.
The funny part? My due date is today. I’m not even technically “overdue” yet (yes, I know that you’re not actually overdue until after 42 weeks, but try telling that to society).
I think my problem is that I get way too bothered by other people. Basically, for the past three weeks, people keep on saying “You’re still around?” to me whenever they see me. So, that has set an expectation in my mind that I might go into labor at any second. It has become almost a get-out-of-jail-free card for me. As in, “Boy, I really don’t want to be at that meeting tomorrow. Hey, maybe I’ll go into labor and I won’t have to go!” It hasn’t helped that I’m thoroughly sick of work.
In the meantime, there’s this cloud of guilt that follows me wherever I go. It’s said that whenever you start feeling sorry for yourself, you should just think about the misfortune of others and you’ll be able to put things in perspective. I don’t have to look very far; I just think of myself 11 months ago and how utterly terrible my situation was. The Ann of November 2007 would have looked at the Ann of October 2008 with disgust, thinking that she had absolutely no appreciation for the gift she has been given.
Then, there are the women in my office: my co-worker, who doesn’t shy away from telling the story of how she struggled with infertility and lost; and my boss, who never tells her story, but whose answer to the question “Do you have kids?” is, “We were never blessed with children.” That same boss reminded me today that I should be thankful that I’m healthy and everything appears to be OK. And I am. Immensely. I feel terrible even talking about being impatient, because my goodness, if a long pregnancy is the worst of my problems, I’m doing pretty darned well.
But hormones aren’t logical.
Once I’m done working on Friday, I want to hole myself up at home and not talk to any friends and family. Last night, I even toyed with the idea of not answering my family birthday calls because I don’t want to deal with my mother or M’s mother.
When was the last time I felt this strong of a need to shield myself from the world? It was January 2008, when I was still in the throes of grief.
Ironic, isn’t it?
I know exactly what I need to do: Focus on others, take my mind off myself and my pregnancy and just smile and nod when others exclaim over the fact that I’m still around. But it’s easier said than done.
It was about midnight and I had tried changing locations in the house in an effort to sleep through at least some of the night, but it wasn’t working. Finally, I stomped back to our bedroom, woke M and proceeded to give him a tearful rendition of how frustrated, tired, annoyed, impatient, etc. I was, and how I had no idea how I was going to feel better. Poor guy, he was sort of taken aback and tried his best to comfort me (he even offered to play cards with me to take my mind off my insomnia), but of course he couldn’t actually do anything.
The funny part? My due date is today. I’m not even technically “overdue” yet (yes, I know that you’re not actually overdue until after 42 weeks, but try telling that to society).
I think my problem is that I get way too bothered by other people. Basically, for the past three weeks, people keep on saying “You’re still around?” to me whenever they see me. So, that has set an expectation in my mind that I might go into labor at any second. It has become almost a get-out-of-jail-free card for me. As in, “Boy, I really don’t want to be at that meeting tomorrow. Hey, maybe I’ll go into labor and I won’t have to go!” It hasn’t helped that I’m thoroughly sick of work.
In the meantime, there’s this cloud of guilt that follows me wherever I go. It’s said that whenever you start feeling sorry for yourself, you should just think about the misfortune of others and you’ll be able to put things in perspective. I don’t have to look very far; I just think of myself 11 months ago and how utterly terrible my situation was. The Ann of November 2007 would have looked at the Ann of October 2008 with disgust, thinking that she had absolutely no appreciation for the gift she has been given.
Then, there are the women in my office: my co-worker, who doesn’t shy away from telling the story of how she struggled with infertility and lost; and my boss, who never tells her story, but whose answer to the question “Do you have kids?” is, “We were never blessed with children.” That same boss reminded me today that I should be thankful that I’m healthy and everything appears to be OK. And I am. Immensely. I feel terrible even talking about being impatient, because my goodness, if a long pregnancy is the worst of my problems, I’m doing pretty darned well.
But hormones aren’t logical.
Once I’m done working on Friday, I want to hole myself up at home and not talk to any friends and family. Last night, I even toyed with the idea of not answering my family birthday calls because I don’t want to deal with my mother or M’s mother.
When was the last time I felt this strong of a need to shield myself from the world? It was January 2008, when I was still in the throes of grief.
Ironic, isn’t it?
I know exactly what I need to do: Focus on others, take my mind off myself and my pregnancy and just smile and nod when others exclaim over the fact that I’m still around. But it’s easier said than done.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
39w6d
Tomorrow is my due date. My doctor happens to be on call tomorrow. Boy, it sure would be a nice day to go into labor.
At my most recent OB appointment, I was still only 1.5 cm dilated, but now 70 percent effaced. My lactation consultant friend seems to think my first sign of labor will be my water breaking because my cervix is so soft but not dilated very much. It would be nice if that happened before the end of this week.
In the meantime, I have decided that Friday will be my last day at work. If I haven’t gone into labor by Monday, I will just take vacation time. In the meantime, the next three days are going to be excruciatingly boring. I planned so well, I literally have nothing to do! I’ve been living the past two weeks as though each day was my last, so I’ve been trying to complete projects, make phone calls, etc. No good deed goes unpunished, eh? And now my replacement is sitting with nothing to do, either. Oh well—there are certainly worse things in life than sitting in front of a computer surfing the Internet.
If I haven’t gone into labor by Oct. 11 (nine days after my due date), my doctor will induce me. However, I hope it doesn’t get to that point. On October 26, my close friend is having a baby shower two hours away. I really, really want to go, but if it’s just two weeks after I give birth—especially if it’s a difficult delivery—it will be kind of hard. Then, on Nov. 2, my niece is getting baptized—also two hours away. I’d like to have this baby soon so I can have some recovery time before life gets going again!
At my most recent OB appointment, I was still only 1.5 cm dilated, but now 70 percent effaced. My lactation consultant friend seems to think my first sign of labor will be my water breaking because my cervix is so soft but not dilated very much. It would be nice if that happened before the end of this week.
In the meantime, I have decided that Friday will be my last day at work. If I haven’t gone into labor by Monday, I will just take vacation time. In the meantime, the next three days are going to be excruciatingly boring. I planned so well, I literally have nothing to do! I’ve been living the past two weeks as though each day was my last, so I’ve been trying to complete projects, make phone calls, etc. No good deed goes unpunished, eh? And now my replacement is sitting with nothing to do, either. Oh well—there are certainly worse things in life than sitting in front of a computer surfing the Internet.
If I haven’t gone into labor by Oct. 11 (nine days after my due date), my doctor will induce me. However, I hope it doesn’t get to that point. On October 26, my close friend is having a baby shower two hours away. I really, really want to go, but if it’s just two weeks after I give birth—especially if it’s a difficult delivery—it will be kind of hard. Then, on Nov. 2, my niece is getting baptized—also two hours away. I’d like to have this baby soon so I can have some recovery time before life gets going again!
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