16w4d

My goodness, how the weeks fly by! Well, not exactly—it’s just that things have settled into enough of a routine that I really don’t have much to blog about. I’ve written several posts in my head, but each time I considered putting them down on paper (or monitor), I pictured all of you throwing rotten tomatoes or eggs at me.

See, I’m extremely irritable right now. Everything in the world bothers me. Every time I talk to my mom (with whom I am very close) on the phone, I usually wish I hadn’t called her. When I consider calling or getting together with friends, I starting listing all their worst traits in my head and decide it’s not worth the bother. And if someone dares to cross me? Ooh, they better watch out. We had Bible study at our house earlier this week. M was out of town, but he made me promise to turn on his Halloween village because he’s so very proud of it. The reaction from one of the couples? “Oh, we don’t celebrate Halloween.” They’re very conservative, evangelical Christians who turn their noses up at the “pagan” holidays that include “sinful” creatures like witches, ghouls, etc. Um, wasn’t Christmas a pagan holiday before the Church turned it into Christ’s birthday? Don’t get me wrong—I, too, am a very spiritual person. I just know when to give my self-righteousness a rest.

See? I’m doing it again. I have to think it’s the hormones, because I don’t remember being this irritated with this many people in a long time. I HOPE it’s the hormones!

I’m still very, very happy (of course); just kind of bitchy. To everyone but M, thankfully. He and I are on the same page about a lot of things that are bothering us, so we can just bitch to each other. Talk about marital bonding. :)

I’m also counting down the days at work. A bit early, I know, but I’m getting kind of sick of being on someone else’s schedule. After the baby is born, I will return to freelance writing, which means I don’t have to pretend I’m busy working even when I finished the job two hours ago. I’m eager to start making contacts for writing gigs right now (I feel like I should be doing something, career-wise, instead of just standing still), but I know I can’t. For one thing, my bosses have no idea I’m planning on leaving, so I probably shouldn’t start spreading it around. For another thing, what might be a decent contract writing gig today could be next year’s budget cut. Nobody—not even my best contacts—can promise me they’ll have work for me next May. So I sit and wait.

To pass the time, I start making up reasons why something could be wrong with the pregnancy. Mind you, I have no legitimate reason for those concerns, but I work in healthcare, so I hear about way too many of the worst-case scenarios.

Fear #1: I haven’t felt movement yet.
Fear debunked: I’m only at the beginning (16w4d) of the period during which I might feel my first movement. Even my OB said don’t panic if I don’t feel movement until 19w.

Fear #2: The baby isn’t growing.
Fear debunked: I’ve gained seven pounds already, for goodness’ sake! All that weight has to be going somewhere.

Fear #3: The baby has some debilitating condition.
Fear debunked: Well, I can’t actually refute that one yet. But I just have to assume everything is OK until I hear otherwise, right?

So, as you can see, even though I have mostly relaxed, I’m still kind of annoying to be around. I’m one of those people who can have everything going wonderfully in her life, and still find things to complain about. Fortunately, the only ones who hear most of the complaining are M and you fine people.

See, I told you you’d throw eggs at me.