I L-O-V-E this video

'Nuff said.

I am frustrated.

I had the best of intentions: I was going to make as much of Tyler's baby food as I could, because I wasn't willing to pay the high prices for Gerber food all the time. We waited until 6 months per his pediatrician's orders, then started with rice cereal. Tyler wasn't having any of it. Thinking it was the taste of the rice cereal, I pureed my own peas, then tried him on that. He still wasn't thrilled.

We took a few days off, setting him in his high chair at mealtimes so he could get used to the feel. When we tried rice cereal again a few days later, he actually opened his mouth for it! Back to peas, and he would take little bits at each meal.

Now green beans. The first time I pureed them, I didn't add enough water and little chunks were still present. Tyler choked and threw up. We bought Gerber green beans just to see how he would do. He did wonderfully.

Then, I tried pureeing a second, much more runny batch of green beans. While he'll mostly get them down, he tends to blow raspberries with his food, and today, he threw it up again. Argh. Next on the menu is more Gerber green beans. I bet he'll love them.

Could my kid be on his way to a processed food diet?

I had almost forgotten how different my experience was from other mothers' experiences.

Today I was at the weekly baby group I attend, and the other moms--most of whom have babies younger than Tyler--started talking about induction, and labor pains, and general labor/delivery stories. One woman said something like, "Mothers-to-be just never really understand that, no matter how much you plan, things never go exactly according to your plans." She was referring, of course, to women who have specific "birthing plans," etc.

But then I started thinking about how our family-building had taken such a detour. How can you ever possibly plan for being told that your baby will never live outside the uterus, and you have to make the impossible choice between terminating your pregnancy and carrying a doomed baby to term?

I decided I was going to tactfully share my story with the other women. But the opportunity never arose. They were all busy talking about epidurals and Pitocin, and my tale of woe would have been awkward and a conversation-killer. My closest friend in that group knows our story, but no one else does.

I really wish they knew that part of me.

Updates

Everything has been moving forward with both our home's sale and our new home. We were able to edge out the previous accepted offer, and we're moving in six weeks! I can hardly believe it. Of course, little doubts have inevitably crept into my mind, but I'm pretty happy with the situation. I think I'm just a perfectionist at heart...

Tyler has started solids, but isn't too happy about it. We moved pretty quickly from rice cereal to peas because he just could. not. stand. rice. cereal. It's still a battle to get much down him, but he must be eating something, because his poop has...changed. I'll leave it at that.

What I've been thinking about most recently is the green-eyed monster. You would have thought that envy would have gone away now that I have everything I ever wanted. Oh no. Now all the voices in my head keep on saying things like, "She's so lucky--she lives in a neighborhood where everybody has young kids. My new neighborhood isn't like that!" Or--"I wish my baby was an angel child like hers is." Or--"She has way more friends than I do. It's not fair!"

Oh, how I wish I could just be satisfied with myself the way I am. Alas, I think I am destined for a life of comparing myself to other people. I'm messed up. :)

Sold!

One week after we put our home on the market, we found a buyer. One week. If you were to compare the real estate market to the world of reproduction, we would be the Uber Fertiles. I am hesitant to even tell certain friends and acqaintances who have had their homes on the market for eons. We just got really, really lucky. We feel blessed.

After one day of searching, we also think we have found the house for us. They even accepted our first offer! (The house has been on the market for two years, with several price reductions.) The catch: There already is an accepted offer on the house, but it had a home sale contingency and a bump clause. In English: The family who has dibs on the house has 48 hours to decide if they want to (and can get financing) own two houses at the same time. We really, really hope they throw in the towel.

But all we can do is sit and wait...

I guess I should have given more background before dropping the bomb that we were putting our house on the market. We're not doing it because we have to; more because we know we need a bigger place eventually, and now is as good a time as any. Of course, it's a terrible time to be selling a house, but if we could, it would be a great time to buy a house. Our targeted buyer is a first-time homeowner, and those people are getting all sorts of incentives to buy a house this year. We're very hopeful.

In the meantime, however, we just got the news that Mark's health insurance is basically only enough to cover him. So, we're going to have to pay $600-700 a month just to insure Tyler and me. Yikes. That's almost like a second mortgage. Over the past few days, I've come close to panicking, but I just have to take a deep breath and tell myself that God will provide. I've been getting some freelance gigs, but not as many as I need to for us to pay our bills without dipping into savings. The good news is, we have lots of savings (that's how we plan on buying a new house), but I would prefer to not have to use savings every month to pay our bills! That's a good financial strategy, don't you think? :)

Tyler is becoming more and more active and vocal, which makes for a good distraction while I'm looking for freelance work. He likes testing his lungs just for the heck of it, which can be rather...loud. But it makes it easier for me to tell what kind of mood he's in!

Grrr...

I think maybe I've been cooped up too long this winter.

I am feeling downright hostile toward my husband because he forgot to take out the garbage and recycling this morning.

Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but see, there's more. We've decided to put our house on the market, and we spent last weekend clearing out lots of our stuff into a storage unit. We ended up throwing out a lot and putting it in the garage. Now that stuff, plus bags of cans, dirty diapers, kitchen waste, etc., will sit out there for another week.

Even as I write this, I have to laugh at myself. Your biggest issue with your husband is that he didn't take out the garbage? As we've been prepping our house, though, I've started to resent more and more that most of the clutter is his. It's a control thing. I can get working on many of the things I can get done myself, but I have to wait for him for much of this stuff. It drives me nuts! If it were up to me, I would pitch the whole lot of it. His office is a disaster zone.

Oh, and Tyler has reverted from one ravenous night awakening to two. Great. I think my stock has just gone down in the competitive mommy world. Does your son sleep through the night yet? Oh, really? Too bad for you. Mine has slept through the night since the womb!

Goodness, I'm ornery.