I had almost forgotten how different my experience was from other mothers' experiences.
Today I was at the weekly baby group I attend, and the other moms--most of whom have babies younger than Tyler--started talking about induction, and labor pains, and general labor/delivery stories. One woman said something like, "Mothers-to-be just never really understand that, no matter how much you plan, things never go exactly according to your plans." She was referring, of course, to women who have specific "birthing plans," etc.
But then I started thinking about how our family-building had taken such a detour. How can you ever possibly plan for being told that your baby will never live outside the uterus, and you have to make the impossible choice between terminating your pregnancy and carrying a doomed baby to term?
I decided I was going to tactfully share my story with the other women. But the opportunity never arose. They were all busy talking about epidurals and Pitocin, and my tale of woe would have been awkward and a conversation-killer. My closest friend in that group knows our story, but no one else does.
I really wish they knew that part of me.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Updates
Everything has been moving forward with both our home's sale and our new home. We were able to edge out the previous accepted offer, and we're moving in six weeks! I can hardly believe it. Of course, little doubts have inevitably crept into my mind, but I'm pretty happy with the situation. I think I'm just a perfectionist at heart...
Tyler has started solids, but isn't too happy about it. We moved pretty quickly from rice cereal to peas because he just could. not. stand. rice. cereal. It's still a battle to get much down him, but he must be eating something, because his poop has...changed. I'll leave it at that.
What I've been thinking about most recently is the green-eyed monster. You would have thought that envy would have gone away now that I have everything I ever wanted. Oh no. Now all the voices in my head keep on saying things like, "She's so lucky--she lives in a neighborhood where everybody has young kids. My new neighborhood isn't like that!" Or--"I wish my baby was an angel child like hers is." Or--"She has way more friends than I do. It's not fair!"
Oh, how I wish I could just be satisfied with myself the way I am. Alas, I think I am destined for a life of comparing myself to other people. I'm messed up. :)
Tyler has started solids, but isn't too happy about it. We moved pretty quickly from rice cereal to peas because he just could. not. stand. rice. cereal. It's still a battle to get much down him, but he must be eating something, because his poop has...changed. I'll leave it at that.
What I've been thinking about most recently is the green-eyed monster. You would have thought that envy would have gone away now that I have everything I ever wanted. Oh no. Now all the voices in my head keep on saying things like, "She's so lucky--she lives in a neighborhood where everybody has young kids. My new neighborhood isn't like that!" Or--"I wish my baby was an angel child like hers is." Or--"She has way more friends than I do. It's not fair!"
Oh, how I wish I could just be satisfied with myself the way I am. Alas, I think I am destined for a life of comparing myself to other people. I'm messed up. :)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sold!
One week after we put our home on the market, we found a buyer. One week. If you were to compare the real estate market to the world of reproduction, we would be the Uber Fertiles. I am hesitant to even tell certain friends and acqaintances who have had their homes on the market for eons. We just got really, really lucky. We feel blessed.
After one day of searching, we also think we have found the house for us. They even accepted our first offer! (The house has been on the market for two years, with several price reductions.) The catch: There already is an accepted offer on the house, but it had a home sale contingency and a bump clause. In English: The family who has dibs on the house has 48 hours to decide if they want to (and can get financing) own two houses at the same time. We really, really hope they throw in the towel.
But all we can do is sit and wait...
After one day of searching, we also think we have found the house for us. They even accepted our first offer! (The house has been on the market for two years, with several price reductions.) The catch: There already is an accepted offer on the house, but it had a home sale contingency and a bump clause. In English: The family who has dibs on the house has 48 hours to decide if they want to (and can get financing) own two houses at the same time. We really, really hope they throw in the towel.
But all we can do is sit and wait...
Monday, March 9, 2009
I guess I should have given more background before dropping the bomb that we were putting our house on the market. We're not doing it because we have to; more because we know we need a bigger place eventually, and now is as good a time as any. Of course, it's a terrible time to be selling a house, but if we could, it would be a great time to buy a house. Our targeted buyer is a first-time homeowner, and those people are getting all sorts of incentives to buy a house this year. We're very hopeful.
In the meantime, however, we just got the news that Mark's health insurance is basically only enough to cover him. So, we're going to have to pay $600-700 a month just to insure Tyler and me. Yikes. That's almost like a second mortgage. Over the past few days, I've come close to panicking, but I just have to take a deep breath and tell myself that God will provide. I've been getting some freelance gigs, but not as many as I need to for us to pay our bills without dipping into savings. The good news is, we have lots of savings (that's how we plan on buying a new house), but I would prefer to not have to use savings every month to pay our bills! That's a good financial strategy, don't you think? :)
Tyler is becoming more and more active and vocal, which makes for a good distraction while I'm looking for freelance work. He likes testing his lungs just for the heck of it, which can be rather...loud. But it makes it easier for me to tell what kind of mood he's in!
In the meantime, however, we just got the news that Mark's health insurance is basically only enough to cover him. So, we're going to have to pay $600-700 a month just to insure Tyler and me. Yikes. That's almost like a second mortgage. Over the past few days, I've come close to panicking, but I just have to take a deep breath and tell myself that God will provide. I've been getting some freelance gigs, but not as many as I need to for us to pay our bills without dipping into savings. The good news is, we have lots of savings (that's how we plan on buying a new house), but I would prefer to not have to use savings every month to pay our bills! That's a good financial strategy, don't you think? :)
Tyler is becoming more and more active and vocal, which makes for a good distraction while I'm looking for freelance work. He likes testing his lungs just for the heck of it, which can be rather...loud. But it makes it easier for me to tell what kind of mood he's in!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Grrr...
I think maybe I've been cooped up too long this winter.
I am feeling downright hostile toward my husband because he forgot to take out the garbage and recycling this morning.
Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but see, there's more. We've decided to put our house on the market, and we spent last weekend clearing out lots of our stuff into a storage unit. We ended up throwing out a lot and putting it in the garage. Now that stuff, plus bags of cans, dirty diapers, kitchen waste, etc., will sit out there for another week.
Even as I write this, I have to laugh at myself. Your biggest issue with your husband is that he didn't take out the garbage? As we've been prepping our house, though, I've started to resent more and more that most of the clutter is his. It's a control thing. I can get working on many of the things I can get done myself, but I have to wait for him for much of this stuff. It drives me nuts! If it were up to me, I would pitch the whole lot of it. His office is a disaster zone.
Oh, and Tyler has reverted from one ravenous night awakening to two. Great. I think my stock has just gone down in the competitive mommy world. Does your son sleep through the night yet? Oh, really? Too bad for you. Mine has slept through the night since the womb!
Goodness, I'm ornery.
I am feeling downright hostile toward my husband because he forgot to take out the garbage and recycling this morning.
Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but see, there's more. We've decided to put our house on the market, and we spent last weekend clearing out lots of our stuff into a storage unit. We ended up throwing out a lot and putting it in the garage. Now that stuff, plus bags of cans, dirty diapers, kitchen waste, etc., will sit out there for another week.
Even as I write this, I have to laugh at myself. Your biggest issue with your husband is that he didn't take out the garbage? As we've been prepping our house, though, I've started to resent more and more that most of the clutter is his. It's a control thing. I can get working on many of the things I can get done myself, but I have to wait for him for much of this stuff. It drives me nuts! If it were up to me, I would pitch the whole lot of it. His office is a disaster zone.
Oh, and Tyler has reverted from one ravenous night awakening to two. Great. I think my stock has just gone down in the competitive mommy world. Does your son sleep through the night yet? Oh, really? Too bad for you. Mine has slept through the night since the womb!
Goodness, I'm ornery.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Nap Boy no more
I think we may be about to transition from 5 naps to 3 naps.
I know, I know--you're crying rivers for me. But one thing people always told me before we had Tyler that I never really took to heart was this: Just when you're getting used to a routine, your baby changes.
It was a cozy little life, Tyler's and mine. He would be up for 45 minutes, then down for 1-2 hours. Rinse, repeat. Feeding usually took about 15 minutes, so I only had to entertain my son for about a half hour. Easy! Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of actually spending a couple of hours in a row playing with him--at a time when the Exersaucer is still just something to look at, not play with.
The funny thing was, I knew this was coming. I had even hoped it would come soon (after all, once the weather gets warm, I'd actually like to go out with him every once in a while!). According to a book I read, many babies settle into a 3-nap schedule between 4 and 5 months. Tyler is 4 months, one week. But I guess I had thought he would magically just be awake and active longer, and we would know. I didn't realize that our cue to change his nap schedule would start with him looking tired enough to put down, but not being tired enough to actually nap. The past few days have been a battle; he's cried and cried after we put him down for his last nap of the day (and yes, he was looking sleepy, which was why I put him down). This morning, he took about 30 minutes to settle into his first nap of the day.
Ah, I'll miss the days when he could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours in a day (last week).
I know, I know--you're crying rivers for me. But one thing people always told me before we had Tyler that I never really took to heart was this: Just when you're getting used to a routine, your baby changes.
It was a cozy little life, Tyler's and mine. He would be up for 45 minutes, then down for 1-2 hours. Rinse, repeat. Feeding usually took about 15 minutes, so I only had to entertain my son for about a half hour. Easy! Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of actually spending a couple of hours in a row playing with him--at a time when the Exersaucer is still just something to look at, not play with.
The funny thing was, I knew this was coming. I had even hoped it would come soon (after all, once the weather gets warm, I'd actually like to go out with him every once in a while!). According to a book I read, many babies settle into a 3-nap schedule between 4 and 5 months. Tyler is 4 months, one week. But I guess I had thought he would magically just be awake and active longer, and we would know. I didn't realize that our cue to change his nap schedule would start with him looking tired enough to put down, but not being tired enough to actually nap. The past few days have been a battle; he's cried and cried after we put him down for his last nap of the day (and yes, he was looking sleepy, which was why I put him down). This morning, he took about 30 minutes to settle into his first nap of the day.
Ah, I'll miss the days when he could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours in a day (last week).
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Survey says...
On Facebook, people often "tag" others to take little surveys (like e-mail forwards). Today, a long-lost friend (who just found out about our loss, by the way) tagged me to take this survey. I'm not going to fill it out on Facebook, because honestly, what would it accomplish? It would just shock people, and I would just be inviting judgment--or pity. (I don't know which is worse.)
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
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