I have officially crossed over to the Dark Side: I just joined Facebook.
In many ways, Facebook is the exact opposite of the blogging world I have been a part of for almost 2 years (has it really been that long???).
I have met none of you in person.
I know everybody with whom I have contact on Facebook.
Here, I share my deepest, darkest thoughts.
About the most that anybody in the Facebook world knows about my struggle to build a family is that I have a 3-month-old son.
And that's the weird part. See, everyone in my daily life--both friends and most acquaintances--knows about our tragedy in November 2007. We may not talk about it much, but the knowledge is still there. Yet all these long-ago acquaintances on Facebook have no idea. They just see Tyler's smiling face; not all the hurt and devastation that came before Tyler. The loss of Zach is so much a part of me, it's difficult to communicate with people who know nothing about it. And yet, I know I can't include it on my Facebook page because a)it's way too depressing; b)people would feel obligated to give their condolences, and I don't need that; and c)I don't want to open myself up to judgment from people I barely know anymore.
Who ever thought that Facebook would elicit such deep, self-searching thoughts in me?
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6 comments:
Oh yeah, Facebook is just screwy sometimes, if you have had a life that includes some sort of tragedy.
OTOH, I live 3,000 miles away from where I went to high school. And I do get a kick out of reconnecting to people I haven't heard about in decades. Even on a superficial level, it can feel nice.
I find Facebook entertaining, but it's definitely not where I share my deep thoughts. And yeah, very few people on there have the first clue what we've been though. My life probably looks neat and clean from that vantage point.
I just started getting on F-book (let me know if you want to "friend", but don't feel obligated), and though it's fun to stay connected with my husband's cousins and friends from school, it is a bit more superficial than a blog. I did join the infertility group though. I've always been out of the closet, so I don't mind anyone seeing that. I, of course, don't have to field queries about a loss though.
You obviously have to do what you think is right, but I don't think you should immediately discount the idea of including both kids on your Facebook page. This is obviously a very personal issue, so no judgements, but I have always been a big believer of talking about these "dirty little secrets" like infertility, preg loss, and Post-Partum Depression. And I don't mean that if you don't you are keeping it a secret, or anything. (Sorry, internet sucks for this kind of thing).
I don't think it is going to freak people out (and frak them if it does)-- you may find that some of them have dealt with the same thing.
Again, I'm not saying you SHOULD or SHOULDN'T, just that it might be worth thinking about.
Add me?? :)
J
Fbook actually suggested I know you because your email address was in my address book. :-) I'm guessing because I requested blog access via email months ago.
I decided to not to do that! I agree about FB. No point in being frank and introducing awkwardness out there.
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