For once, I have decided to avoid writing about baby-making frustrations, primarily because there is nothing new. (I'm still working on my thyroid, and I'm now seeing a regular endocrinologist. Lucky me.)
Instead, I would like to talk about playgroups. I am a member of the local chapter of a national organization for moms, Mothers & More. I am the playgroup coordinator. My job is to match moms in playgroups for their kids. We try to match every mom; anyone can join the organization.
My problem is a particular woman who is "playgroup poison." She has tried joining multiple playgroups to no avail. Some of the playgroups have dissolved naturally; others have fallen apart specifically because the other moms just want to get away from her. Every time I send out an e-mail about a playgroup looking for new members, she responds. She is currently in one playgroup, and wants to be in another one as well.
Why does nobody like her? Well, she's a user--she never offers anything herself, like providing a snack or hosting. Instead, she mooches off of everyone else. Wherever there is food, she will come. She sometimes stays well past the ending time of an event because her boyfriend hasn't picked her up on time, forcing the mom whose house it is to feed her and her kids lunch. She often pawns her kids off on other moms and doesn't watch them closely enough. And she just has a really depressing personality. Basically, she's a trashy woman.
I used to think some of the moms who didn't like her were being petty. Except that every single mom who has come in contact with her doesn't like her. It's difficult for me, being the playgroup coordinator, because I know what it feels like to be excluded. At the same time, would I want her in my playgroup? No!
Now, she has responded to an e-mail about an open playgroup, saying she'd like to join. I e-mailed the playgroup leader, and she has requested we discuss this on the phone later today. I know she is going to say they don't want her in their group, and what am I supposed to do? You can't force people to spend time together. Instead, I'm going to have to e-mail this woman and make up some excuse for why she can't join this playgroup I just advertised. Arg! "I'm sorry, A, but this playgroup is open to everyone but you."
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2 comments:
Ugh. I feel so bad you are in this position. But I can understand how they don't want her in their group either.
Thinking of you.
I suppose the right thing to do would be to tell her that there are certain rules for the playgroups, and that anyone who does not follow the rules will be asked to leave. You must be picked up or leave promptly, you must keep a close eye on children, etc. Or maybe in the future, do that for everyone. Then you can tell her she's been asked to leave because you've had reports she has been doing xyz.
That's kind of a lot of work and requires some guts. I'm not sure I'd be able to pull it off, but I think it's the best thing to do. Good luck with whatever you decide!
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