I guess I should have given more background before dropping the bomb that we were putting our house on the market. We're not doing it because we have to; more because we know we need a bigger place eventually, and now is as good a time as any. Of course, it's a terrible time to be selling a house, but if we could, it would be a great time to buy a house. Our targeted buyer is a first-time homeowner, and those people are getting all sorts of incentives to buy a house this year. We're very hopeful.
In the meantime, however, we just got the news that Mark's health insurance is basically only enough to cover him. So, we're going to have to pay $600-700 a month just to insure Tyler and me. Yikes. That's almost like a second mortgage. Over the past few days, I've come close to panicking, but I just have to take a deep breath and tell myself that God will provide. I've been getting some freelance gigs, but not as many as I need to for us to pay our bills without dipping into savings. The good news is, we have lots of savings (that's how we plan on buying a new house), but I would prefer to not have to use savings every month to pay our bills! That's a good financial strategy, don't you think? :)
Tyler is becoming more and more active and vocal, which makes for a good distraction while I'm looking for freelance work. He likes testing his lungs just for the heck of it, which can be rather...loud. But it makes it easier for me to tell what kind of mood he's in!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Grrr...
I think maybe I've been cooped up too long this winter.
I am feeling downright hostile toward my husband because he forgot to take out the garbage and recycling this morning.
Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but see, there's more. We've decided to put our house on the market, and we spent last weekend clearing out lots of our stuff into a storage unit. We ended up throwing out a lot and putting it in the garage. Now that stuff, plus bags of cans, dirty diapers, kitchen waste, etc., will sit out there for another week.
Even as I write this, I have to laugh at myself. Your biggest issue with your husband is that he didn't take out the garbage? As we've been prepping our house, though, I've started to resent more and more that most of the clutter is his. It's a control thing. I can get working on many of the things I can get done myself, but I have to wait for him for much of this stuff. It drives me nuts! If it were up to me, I would pitch the whole lot of it. His office is a disaster zone.
Oh, and Tyler has reverted from one ravenous night awakening to two. Great. I think my stock has just gone down in the competitive mommy world. Does your son sleep through the night yet? Oh, really? Too bad for you. Mine has slept through the night since the womb!
Goodness, I'm ornery.
I am feeling downright hostile toward my husband because he forgot to take out the garbage and recycling this morning.
Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but see, there's more. We've decided to put our house on the market, and we spent last weekend clearing out lots of our stuff into a storage unit. We ended up throwing out a lot and putting it in the garage. Now that stuff, plus bags of cans, dirty diapers, kitchen waste, etc., will sit out there for another week.
Even as I write this, I have to laugh at myself. Your biggest issue with your husband is that he didn't take out the garbage? As we've been prepping our house, though, I've started to resent more and more that most of the clutter is his. It's a control thing. I can get working on many of the things I can get done myself, but I have to wait for him for much of this stuff. It drives me nuts! If it were up to me, I would pitch the whole lot of it. His office is a disaster zone.
Oh, and Tyler has reverted from one ravenous night awakening to two. Great. I think my stock has just gone down in the competitive mommy world. Does your son sleep through the night yet? Oh, really? Too bad for you. Mine has slept through the night since the womb!
Goodness, I'm ornery.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Nap Boy no more
I think we may be about to transition from 5 naps to 3 naps.
I know, I know--you're crying rivers for me. But one thing people always told me before we had Tyler that I never really took to heart was this: Just when you're getting used to a routine, your baby changes.
It was a cozy little life, Tyler's and mine. He would be up for 45 minutes, then down for 1-2 hours. Rinse, repeat. Feeding usually took about 15 minutes, so I only had to entertain my son for about a half hour. Easy! Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of actually spending a couple of hours in a row playing with him--at a time when the Exersaucer is still just something to look at, not play with.
The funny thing was, I knew this was coming. I had even hoped it would come soon (after all, once the weather gets warm, I'd actually like to go out with him every once in a while!). According to a book I read, many babies settle into a 3-nap schedule between 4 and 5 months. Tyler is 4 months, one week. But I guess I had thought he would magically just be awake and active longer, and we would know. I didn't realize that our cue to change his nap schedule would start with him looking tired enough to put down, but not being tired enough to actually nap. The past few days have been a battle; he's cried and cried after we put him down for his last nap of the day (and yes, he was looking sleepy, which was why I put him down). This morning, he took about 30 minutes to settle into his first nap of the day.
Ah, I'll miss the days when he could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours in a day (last week).
I know, I know--you're crying rivers for me. But one thing people always told me before we had Tyler that I never really took to heart was this: Just when you're getting used to a routine, your baby changes.
It was a cozy little life, Tyler's and mine. He would be up for 45 minutes, then down for 1-2 hours. Rinse, repeat. Feeding usually took about 15 minutes, so I only had to entertain my son for about a half hour. Easy! Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of actually spending a couple of hours in a row playing with him--at a time when the Exersaucer is still just something to look at, not play with.
The funny thing was, I knew this was coming. I had even hoped it would come soon (after all, once the weather gets warm, I'd actually like to go out with him every once in a while!). According to a book I read, many babies settle into a 3-nap schedule between 4 and 5 months. Tyler is 4 months, one week. But I guess I had thought he would magically just be awake and active longer, and we would know. I didn't realize that our cue to change his nap schedule would start with him looking tired enough to put down, but not being tired enough to actually nap. The past few days have been a battle; he's cried and cried after we put him down for his last nap of the day (and yes, he was looking sleepy, which was why I put him down). This morning, he took about 30 minutes to settle into his first nap of the day.
Ah, I'll miss the days when he could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours in a day (last week).
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Survey says...
On Facebook, people often "tag" others to take little surveys (like e-mail forwards). Today, a long-lost friend (who just found out about our loss, by the way) tagged me to take this survey. I'm not going to fill it out on Facebook, because honestly, what would it accomplish? It would just shock people, and I would just be inviting judgment--or pity. (I don't know which is worse.)
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Book of Faces
I have officially crossed over to the Dark Side: I just joined Facebook.
In many ways, Facebook is the exact opposite of the blogging world I have been a part of for almost 2 years (has it really been that long???).
I have met none of you in person.
I know everybody with whom I have contact on Facebook.
Here, I share my deepest, darkest thoughts.
About the most that anybody in the Facebook world knows about my struggle to build a family is that I have a 3-month-old son.
And that's the weird part. See, everyone in my daily life--both friends and most acquaintances--knows about our tragedy in November 2007. We may not talk about it much, but the knowledge is still there. Yet all these long-ago acquaintances on Facebook have no idea. They just see Tyler's smiling face; not all the hurt and devastation that came before Tyler. The loss of Zach is so much a part of me, it's difficult to communicate with people who know nothing about it. And yet, I know I can't include it on my Facebook page because a)it's way too depressing; b)people would feel obligated to give their condolences, and I don't need that; and c)I don't want to open myself up to judgment from people I barely know anymore.
Who ever thought that Facebook would elicit such deep, self-searching thoughts in me?
In many ways, Facebook is the exact opposite of the blogging world I have been a part of for almost 2 years (has it really been that long???).
I have met none of you in person.
I know everybody with whom I have contact on Facebook.
Here, I share my deepest, darkest thoughts.
About the most that anybody in the Facebook world knows about my struggle to build a family is that I have a 3-month-old son.
And that's the weird part. See, everyone in my daily life--both friends and most acquaintances--knows about our tragedy in November 2007. We may not talk about it much, but the knowledge is still there. Yet all these long-ago acquaintances on Facebook have no idea. They just see Tyler's smiling face; not all the hurt and devastation that came before Tyler. The loss of Zach is so much a part of me, it's difficult to communicate with people who know nothing about it. And yet, I know I can't include it on my Facebook page because a)it's way too depressing; b)people would feel obligated to give their condolences, and I don't need that; and c)I don't want to open myself up to judgment from people I barely know anymore.
Who ever thought that Facebook would elicit such deep, self-searching thoughts in me?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Aunt Flo
I got my period today.
On a practical note, I was completely unprepared for my period. I guess it should have occurred to me that I should be stocking up on tampons, just in case, but it didn't. I begged Mark to stop by Target on his way home from work (we still have Target gift cards from when Tyler was born; I just didn't think I'd be using them on tampons!).
On an emotional note, I'm thrilled. Now I can begin my science experiment. Let me take you back a year: Just two months after my pregnancy ended, I became miraculously pregnant a second time with Tyler. I chalked it up to pregnancy straightening out my hormones. The big question: Is my PCOS "cured?" Now, I will actually be able to see if my ovulation last January was a fluke, or a taste of things to come. This will give me a better idea of whether we will need to return to treatment when we decide to try for a second child.
On a practical note, I was completely unprepared for my period. I guess it should have occurred to me that I should be stocking up on tampons, just in case, but it didn't. I begged Mark to stop by Target on his way home from work (we still have Target gift cards from when Tyler was born; I just didn't think I'd be using them on tampons!).
On an emotional note, I'm thrilled. Now I can begin my science experiment. Let me take you back a year: Just two months after my pregnancy ended, I became miraculously pregnant a second time with Tyler. I chalked it up to pregnancy straightening out my hormones. The big question: Is my PCOS "cured?" Now, I will actually be able to see if my ovulation last January was a fluke, or a taste of things to come. This will give me a better idea of whether we will need to return to treatment when we decide to try for a second child.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Obsessed
A friend pointed out something to me tonight that I should have realized a while ago: I have OCD when it comes to caring for my son.
The reason I should have realized this is because I was obsessive when we were TTC and when I was pregnant, so why shouldn't I be the same way with raising a child?
Tyler is a sleeper. As in, he still sleeps about 18 hours a day. At nearly three months old. And for the past 5 of 7 days, he has slept through the night.
All this is absolutely wonderful and makes for lots of free time for me. I'm certainly not complaining.
Except.
Tyler still seems to need 6 feedings a day, which he takes between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. And he sleeps in between every feeding. Which means that he usually takes about 5 naps a day, some of which are only an hour long. This means that my day is full of countless wakings and putting-downs.
The simple solution to this would be to decrease his number of feedings. But he won't do it. I tried for a few days to give him 6 ounces at each feeding, but he would never finish his bottle and he always wanted a 6th feeding at night.
Can you sense the OCD yet?
I know I should just relax and go with the flow. But it's really hard to do when you have all these outside forces expressing shock at your baby's sleep habits. My in-laws are especially frustrated because he's not awake long enough for their liking. They babysat for him on Saturday and my MIL kept track of his feedings and sleeping. He was up for almost 2 hours after one feeding! I know exactly what happened: He started to fuss, and rather than put him down, my MIL decided to just hold him.
Grandparents.
I think I need to jumpstart my freelancing career so I have something to think about besides my son's sleep habits.
(And yes, I just bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and am enjoying it. Please don't suggest any more books on sleeping, because I have had it with so many different opinions!)
The reason I should have realized this is because I was obsessive when we were TTC and when I was pregnant, so why shouldn't I be the same way with raising a child?
Tyler is a sleeper. As in, he still sleeps about 18 hours a day. At nearly three months old. And for the past 5 of 7 days, he has slept through the night.
All this is absolutely wonderful and makes for lots of free time for me. I'm certainly not complaining.
Except.
Tyler still seems to need 6 feedings a day, which he takes between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. And he sleeps in between every feeding. Which means that he usually takes about 5 naps a day, some of which are only an hour long. This means that my day is full of countless wakings and putting-downs.
The simple solution to this would be to decrease his number of feedings. But he won't do it. I tried for a few days to give him 6 ounces at each feeding, but he would never finish his bottle and he always wanted a 6th feeding at night.
Can you sense the OCD yet?
I know I should just relax and go with the flow. But it's really hard to do when you have all these outside forces expressing shock at your baby's sleep habits. My in-laws are especially frustrated because he's not awake long enough for their liking. They babysat for him on Saturday and my MIL kept track of his feedings and sleeping. He was up for almost 2 hours after one feeding! I know exactly what happened: He started to fuss, and rather than put him down, my MIL decided to just hold him.
Grandparents.
I think I need to jumpstart my freelancing career so I have something to think about besides my son's sleep habits.
(And yes, I just bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and am enjoying it. Please don't suggest any more books on sleeping, because I have had it with so many different opinions!)
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