Still here

Wow. Within a half hour, I had two separate requests for an update and realized that being away for this long is bound to spark imaginations.

So let me answer the basic questions: Yes, I am still pregnant. No, I am not having contractions. As of yesterday, I was 1 cm dilated and 50 percent effaced. My OB estimates the baby is about 7 1/2 pounds.

And, oh yeah, I’m a mess.

Now wait, before you go all panicky on me, let me preface this post by saying that there is nothing wrong with me or the baby (that I know of), and that life is basically status quo.

Except for my hormones. And my back spasms. And my pregnancy-induced carpel tunnel syndrome. And the fact that I burst into tears this morning at work, and, in fact, feel like crying just thinking about how I burst into tears.

I am a planner. So yes, waiting around to go into labor is rough. However, at least I can plan for the unplannable. I am ready to have to go to the hospital at a moment’s notice—or a few hours’ notice, more likely. Does that make sense?

This morning, however, my boss walked into my office and said that my hospital has a disaster drill planned for 5:15 p.m. tomorrow. They need a Public Information Officer to participate, and she’s not available. Could I do it?

I normally work 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Starting last week Wednesday, I conduct a children’s handbell choir at 6 p.m. on Wednesdays. I’ve been trying to get in as much time with them as possible before I go on “maternity leave” (which will probably amount to a few weeks with a different conductor).

So my boss brought in the other PR person to ask if at least one of us could do it. Technically, this is my job. But the idea of an unplanned late night at work and the prospect of having to find a replacement conductor at the last minute was enough to push me to almost-tears. My co-worker said she would do it (even though it’s an inconvenience for her, too), and I’m still feeling guilty about it. Hell, I’m crying even thinking about it.

Overreact much?

I am literally limping around the office because my lower back hurts so much. At home, I can’t do much more than lay around. While M is being wonderful about all of this, I hate having to ask him to do things that I would normally do. Under ordinary circumstances, we have a pretty darned good division of household tasks. But our house is filthy. So I had to ask him last night if he would be able to clean the house this weekend.

While I sit on my butt watching TV.

Honestly, I know I will only be 38 weeks on Thursday, but I am SOOO ready to have this baby.