I think we may be about to transition from 5 naps to 3 naps.
I know, I know--you're crying rivers for me. But one thing people always told me before we had Tyler that I never really took to heart was this: Just when you're getting used to a routine, your baby changes.
It was a cozy little life, Tyler's and mine. He would be up for 45 minutes, then down for 1-2 hours. Rinse, repeat. Feeding usually took about 15 minutes, so I only had to entertain my son for about a half hour. Easy! Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of actually spending a couple of hours in a row playing with him--at a time when the Exersaucer is still just something to look at, not play with.
The funny thing was, I knew this was coming. I had even hoped it would come soon (after all, once the weather gets warm, I'd actually like to go out with him every once in a while!). According to a book I read, many babies settle into a 3-nap schedule between 4 and 5 months. Tyler is 4 months, one week. But I guess I had thought he would magically just be awake and active longer, and we would know. I didn't realize that our cue to change his nap schedule would start with him looking tired enough to put down, but not being tired enough to actually nap. The past few days have been a battle; he's cried and cried after we put him down for his last nap of the day (and yes, he was looking sleepy, which was why I put him down). This morning, he took about 30 minutes to settle into his first nap of the day.
Ah, I'll miss the days when he could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours in a day (last week).
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Survey says...
On Facebook, people often "tag" others to take little surveys (like e-mail forwards). Today, a long-lost friend (who just found out about our loss, by the way) tagged me to take this survey. I'm not going to fill it out on Facebook, because honestly, what would it accomplish? It would just shock people, and I would just be inviting judgment--or pity. (I don't know which is worse.)
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
I am, however, going to fill it out here. Feel free to copy it and take it yourselves!
Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!
Let's see how much you remember!
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes
3. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? Thrilled beyond belief
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No. However, it never occurred to me that I might be pregnant with a child who could never live outside the womb.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 29
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Mark
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes
9. DUE DATE? March 25
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes, a bit.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? It was more about what I didn't want to eat--pretty much everything.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sister-in-law, because she was due at the same time as us with a "surprise" baby
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? At first I was a little disappointed. However, I was very happy he was a boy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? About 10.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? No
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? At 20 weeks, we found out he had no kidneys, which meant he wouldn't live outside the womb. We made the agonizing decision to induce labor right away.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Froedtert Hospital
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 18 hours
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Mark
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Mark, the doctor and the nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Vaginal
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, I had an epidural.
27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 14 oz
28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? Nov. 7, 2007
30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Zachary Andrew
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Book of Faces
I have officially crossed over to the Dark Side: I just joined Facebook.
In many ways, Facebook is the exact opposite of the blogging world I have been a part of for almost 2 years (has it really been that long???).
I have met none of you in person.
I know everybody with whom I have contact on Facebook.
Here, I share my deepest, darkest thoughts.
About the most that anybody in the Facebook world knows about my struggle to build a family is that I have a 3-month-old son.
And that's the weird part. See, everyone in my daily life--both friends and most acquaintances--knows about our tragedy in November 2007. We may not talk about it much, but the knowledge is still there. Yet all these long-ago acquaintances on Facebook have no idea. They just see Tyler's smiling face; not all the hurt and devastation that came before Tyler. The loss of Zach is so much a part of me, it's difficult to communicate with people who know nothing about it. And yet, I know I can't include it on my Facebook page because a)it's way too depressing; b)people would feel obligated to give their condolences, and I don't need that; and c)I don't want to open myself up to judgment from people I barely know anymore.
Who ever thought that Facebook would elicit such deep, self-searching thoughts in me?
In many ways, Facebook is the exact opposite of the blogging world I have been a part of for almost 2 years (has it really been that long???).
I have met none of you in person.
I know everybody with whom I have contact on Facebook.
Here, I share my deepest, darkest thoughts.
About the most that anybody in the Facebook world knows about my struggle to build a family is that I have a 3-month-old son.
And that's the weird part. See, everyone in my daily life--both friends and most acquaintances--knows about our tragedy in November 2007. We may not talk about it much, but the knowledge is still there. Yet all these long-ago acquaintances on Facebook have no idea. They just see Tyler's smiling face; not all the hurt and devastation that came before Tyler. The loss of Zach is so much a part of me, it's difficult to communicate with people who know nothing about it. And yet, I know I can't include it on my Facebook page because a)it's way too depressing; b)people would feel obligated to give their condolences, and I don't need that; and c)I don't want to open myself up to judgment from people I barely know anymore.
Who ever thought that Facebook would elicit such deep, self-searching thoughts in me?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Aunt Flo
I got my period today.
On a practical note, I was completely unprepared for my period. I guess it should have occurred to me that I should be stocking up on tampons, just in case, but it didn't. I begged Mark to stop by Target on his way home from work (we still have Target gift cards from when Tyler was born; I just didn't think I'd be using them on tampons!).
On an emotional note, I'm thrilled. Now I can begin my science experiment. Let me take you back a year: Just two months after my pregnancy ended, I became miraculously pregnant a second time with Tyler. I chalked it up to pregnancy straightening out my hormones. The big question: Is my PCOS "cured?" Now, I will actually be able to see if my ovulation last January was a fluke, or a taste of things to come. This will give me a better idea of whether we will need to return to treatment when we decide to try for a second child.
On a practical note, I was completely unprepared for my period. I guess it should have occurred to me that I should be stocking up on tampons, just in case, but it didn't. I begged Mark to stop by Target on his way home from work (we still have Target gift cards from when Tyler was born; I just didn't think I'd be using them on tampons!).
On an emotional note, I'm thrilled. Now I can begin my science experiment. Let me take you back a year: Just two months after my pregnancy ended, I became miraculously pregnant a second time with Tyler. I chalked it up to pregnancy straightening out my hormones. The big question: Is my PCOS "cured?" Now, I will actually be able to see if my ovulation last January was a fluke, or a taste of things to come. This will give me a better idea of whether we will need to return to treatment when we decide to try for a second child.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Obsessed
A friend pointed out something to me tonight that I should have realized a while ago: I have OCD when it comes to caring for my son.
The reason I should have realized this is because I was obsessive when we were TTC and when I was pregnant, so why shouldn't I be the same way with raising a child?
Tyler is a sleeper. As in, he still sleeps about 18 hours a day. At nearly three months old. And for the past 5 of 7 days, he has slept through the night.
All this is absolutely wonderful and makes for lots of free time for me. I'm certainly not complaining.
Except.
Tyler still seems to need 6 feedings a day, which he takes between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. And he sleeps in between every feeding. Which means that he usually takes about 5 naps a day, some of which are only an hour long. This means that my day is full of countless wakings and putting-downs.
The simple solution to this would be to decrease his number of feedings. But he won't do it. I tried for a few days to give him 6 ounces at each feeding, but he would never finish his bottle and he always wanted a 6th feeding at night.
Can you sense the OCD yet?
I know I should just relax and go with the flow. But it's really hard to do when you have all these outside forces expressing shock at your baby's sleep habits. My in-laws are especially frustrated because he's not awake long enough for their liking. They babysat for him on Saturday and my MIL kept track of his feedings and sleeping. He was up for almost 2 hours after one feeding! I know exactly what happened: He started to fuss, and rather than put him down, my MIL decided to just hold him.
Grandparents.
I think I need to jumpstart my freelancing career so I have something to think about besides my son's sleep habits.
(And yes, I just bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and am enjoying it. Please don't suggest any more books on sleeping, because I have had it with so many different opinions!)
The reason I should have realized this is because I was obsessive when we were TTC and when I was pregnant, so why shouldn't I be the same way with raising a child?
Tyler is a sleeper. As in, he still sleeps about 18 hours a day. At nearly three months old. And for the past 5 of 7 days, he has slept through the night.
All this is absolutely wonderful and makes for lots of free time for me. I'm certainly not complaining.
Except.
Tyler still seems to need 6 feedings a day, which he takes between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. And he sleeps in between every feeding. Which means that he usually takes about 5 naps a day, some of which are only an hour long. This means that my day is full of countless wakings and putting-downs.
The simple solution to this would be to decrease his number of feedings. But he won't do it. I tried for a few days to give him 6 ounces at each feeding, but he would never finish his bottle and he always wanted a 6th feeding at night.
Can you sense the OCD yet?
I know I should just relax and go with the flow. But it's really hard to do when you have all these outside forces expressing shock at your baby's sleep habits. My in-laws are especially frustrated because he's not awake long enough for their liking. They babysat for him on Saturday and my MIL kept track of his feedings and sleeping. He was up for almost 2 hours after one feeding! I know exactly what happened: He started to fuss, and rather than put him down, my MIL decided to just hold him.
Grandparents.
I think I need to jumpstart my freelancing career so I have something to think about besides my son's sleep habits.
(And yes, I just bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and am enjoying it. Please don't suggest any more books on sleeping, because I have had it with so many different opinions!)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Happy
I could write about how frustrating it is that Tyler has changed up his routine in the past week (a growth spurt perhaps?), or how he spits up so much we've had to find more bibs and burp cloths, or about how my aches and pains are getting worse, but really, that's all just par for the course. The truth is that at this moment, I'm just insanely happy, and for the first time in a long time complaining just really isn't on the agenda.
I'm preparing to start my freelance career in January, and already I have several gigs lined up. It's funny, because a few of them are with the health system I have worked for! I'm realizing that my biggest problem with my new part-time career will not be finding enough work, but finding enough time for the work that comes my way. That's a great problem to have.
I went to a baby group last week and I got asked out! No, not by a potential mate, of course, but by a much more difficult thing to find--a potential friend. The woman, C, has a 6-month-old and probably lives about 20 minutes from my house. I know this sounds silly, but this is exactly what I have been waiting for for a long time--making friends with other stay-at-home moms I meet at baby groups. It's a dream come true! And the best part is, I didn't even have to make the first move. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together after the holidays. (Of course, I'm going to have to figure out how to balance work and play dates.)
This Christmas is just so much better than last Christmas. It's nice that the biggest issue on my mind right now is the incredible amount of snow that's been falling in the Midwest.
I'm preparing to start my freelance career in January, and already I have several gigs lined up. It's funny, because a few of them are with the health system I have worked for! I'm realizing that my biggest problem with my new part-time career will not be finding enough work, but finding enough time for the work that comes my way. That's a great problem to have.
I went to a baby group last week and I got asked out! No, not by a potential mate, of course, but by a much more difficult thing to find--a potential friend. The woman, C, has a 6-month-old and probably lives about 20 minutes from my house. I know this sounds silly, but this is exactly what I have been waiting for for a long time--making friends with other stay-at-home moms I meet at baby groups. It's a dream come true! And the best part is, I didn't even have to make the first move. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to get together after the holidays. (Of course, I'm going to have to figure out how to balance work and play dates.)
This Christmas is just so much better than last Christmas. It's nice that the biggest issue on my mind right now is the incredible amount of snow that's been falling in the Midwest.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Priorities
I had this grand plan to go to a free mommy and me yoga class this morning at a maternity store about 20-25 minutes from my house.
Tyler woke up for his first feeding of the day at about 7:45 a.m. This is perfect, I thought. Hopefully, he'll sleep till at least 10:30, I can pile him in the car seat, he'll sleep in the car on the way over, then I can feed him again at the store while we wait for the class to start.
Except. Just as I was blow drying my hair and preparing to pack the diaper bag at about 10:20, I heard a cry. Tyler was awake and hungry. That's OK, I told myself as I quickly prepared the bottle, I can still feed him, leave home by 11 a.m. and make it in time for the class. He just might be a little crankier after getting a catnap in the car.
As I tried my best to encourage him to take the bottle quickly (note: nothing can encourage a baby to eat more quickly if he wants to take his good old time about it), I watched the clock and became more and more stressed. We were going to be late, and it was only an hour-long class!
Then I looked at my son as he took a little break from his feeding. He looked relaxed, and happy, and perfectly content lying down in Mommy's lap.
This is what I have been waiting for for so long.
To hell with yoga, and stress, and schedules.
This is our time, and nothing will take that away from us.
Tyler woke up for his first feeding of the day at about 7:45 a.m. This is perfect, I thought. Hopefully, he'll sleep till at least 10:30, I can pile him in the car seat, he'll sleep in the car on the way over, then I can feed him again at the store while we wait for the class to start.
Except. Just as I was blow drying my hair and preparing to pack the diaper bag at about 10:20, I heard a cry. Tyler was awake and hungry. That's OK, I told myself as I quickly prepared the bottle, I can still feed him, leave home by 11 a.m. and make it in time for the class. He just might be a little crankier after getting a catnap in the car.
As I tried my best to encourage him to take the bottle quickly (note: nothing can encourage a baby to eat more quickly if he wants to take his good old time about it), I watched the clock and became more and more stressed. We were going to be late, and it was only an hour-long class!
Then I looked at my son as he took a little break from his feeding. He looked relaxed, and happy, and perfectly content lying down in Mommy's lap.
This is what I have been waiting for for so long.
To hell with yoga, and stress, and schedules.
This is our time, and nothing will take that away from us.
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