During the early part of the weekend, I was lamenting the fact that I hadn’t felt any movement for a while. We had a big family event (M’s grandparents’ 60th anniversary dinner) on Saturday, and even while everybody was smiling at us and congratulating us, a tiny thought in the back of my head put a damper on things: What if my baby is dead? (Obviously I will never be able to completely relax about this pregnancy.)
Then, at a movie Sunday afternoon, my arm jumped. I’m not kidding: As I was sitting there with my arm resting along the side of my abdomen, it was suddenly thrown into the air (OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but it was unmistakable; sort of like the hiccups). It soon became clear to me that what I was feeling was no longer the rumble of early movement, but the individuality of distinct kicks. I had been wondering when I would start to feel kicks. Apparently, for me, it has started at 23 ½ weeks. And I couldn’t be happier that things appear to be OK…for now.
I will say, however, that a portion of Saturday’s dinner was disconcerting for me. SIL’s new baby (remember, the one that was supposed to be Zach’s playmate?) decided he wanted his bottle just as SIL and BIL received their salads. I had just finished my soup so I offered to feed him. FIL and MIL were sitting next to me, and the looks on their faces as they watched me feed the baby (and a couple of the comments FIL made) made me feel like the painting Madonna and Child. If there could have been thought bubbles above their heads, they would have said, “Oh my, this is the first time we’ve seen her hold Baby M; what an emotional time!” (actually, I’ve held him once before but they weren’t there); “Ann is going to make such a wonderful mom;” “I just love seeing her with a baby!”
I was acutely aware of all these thoughts floating around us, and truthfully, I just wanted to get the baby fed. It wasn’t a “special” time for me, and it wasn’t bad either; I was simply doing my SIL and BIL a favor. I felt very, very conspicuous. I’m still not a huge baby person and I don’t see how feeding a baby from a bottle is magical.
I know, I know—I’m not being fair to my MIL and FIL. But sometimes I wish our family was a little less emotional.
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5 comments:
It's so hard being the centre of attention like that. That's partly why I tended (still do) to avoid holding babies at big family gatherings... it's really not that hard for me to do anymore, but what I do find hard is knowing full well what other people are thinking & saying behind my back.
Glad you are feeling some movement!
I am glad about the kicks.
I am happy for you that you were able to feed the baby. I think it is more difficult when others are around because they expect some emotional things from us and don't understand where we are coming from to and to just let us take things at our own pace and all that entails.
I find it awkward being in that situation too even when people mean well. Conspicuous is exactly the term I thought of too.
So glad you "got your kicks" this weekend! LOL
Blegh! Hate it when my hubby's family is too mushy. Kinda puts me in an "off" mood, to tell the truth.
I completely understand where you are coming from, my has a 5mth old and since he was born whenever we go over they make comments that make me feel uneasy. I know they are mean comments but still they are alittle embarressing. So happy for you to feel those first kicks, it's such a reasuring thing to feel especially between OB visits, at least it was for me.
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