Not that I would ever wish anyone ill, but I have often thought that every woman who wants to have children should have to go through at least a few barriers in her quest to be a mom. It irritates me to no end when women “plan” their pregnancies down to the month, assuming that, for example, they will be able to have their baby in May so their maternity leave doesn’t interfere with the start of school (if they’re a teacher).
Even my "hardened" heart was touched by a particular situation this morning, however.
It doesn’t work that way, people!
I’ve been talking with my co-worker, CM, over the past few days about her TTC plans. After much careful consideration, she and her husband had decided to start trying next month. Her situation is a bit unique: Because of severe endometriosis, she had one ovary removed and therefore only ovulates every eight weeks. So she was aware that trying to conceive could come with its unique problems.
However. For the past six months she has had terrible problems with sciatica, so terrible, in fact, that she has had to have four epidurals just to relieve the pain. Wisely, she saw a spinal surgeon yesterday to ask what can be done and let him know she wants to try to get pregnant.
He told her she was, under no circumstances, to try to conceive until she has her problem under control.
The way she explained it when she came into my office this morning was with only two words: “No babies.” Though she clarified a few minutes later, my eyes continued to well up with tears as I talked to her.
It sucks so much when we have no control. We try to plan, and hope, and dream, and in the end we must simply trust that God has a plan for us. I lost a child whom I loved in November. Yet that didn’t stop me from weeping for CM, whose body simply cannot handle a pregnancy right now.
9 comments:
Anytime you can't try, it is frustrating. I definitely feel for her. I know pregnancy can make sciatica worse, so I'm not surprised by her doctor's advice.
It drives me nuts when people comment on how I'm going to be really pregnant all summer and that we should have planned better. Um, hello??? Like I was going to take half a year off from trying so that I didn't have to be pregnant in the summer.
I have a friend in a similiar situation with congenital spinal disease - she has had 3 back surgeries and is 33. She can't even ponder kids and doesn't know if she will ever be able to. It's so sad. Hugs to CM and all of us not getting kids just when we want them. (And honestly, I am hardened to those people too)
I feel her pain. I had a herniated disc and ended up having surgery right after we got married, right when I wanted to start trying. I knew I'd have a hard time conceiving and I was devastated when my dr. said no babies either. My story has a happy ending because after the surgery I've never felt better. My back is great (most days!)...
And, I've gone on to have 2 babes and now surprise #3. (But I too did suffer the heartache of infertility for 3 years before my son was born...)
It stinks, but you do have to take of yourself first.
I think it hits those of us who have walked this path far harder when we hear it affecting someone else. I know we all say that we are jealous of those who have the 1 month whammy...but in reality...that is the way we would like to to be for one and all...
Your empathy is remarkable given your situation. I commend you.
I'm sorry that your co-worker is stuck in such a difficult situation. It's very hard to be given bad news about something you want to do so badly,
J
:( If someone told me I couldn't even try I think I'd totally lose it. What a horrible position to be in.
i feel for her, and hope that her situation resolves itself soon.
I'm so sorry for your friend.
I definitely feel for her. She is immense physical and emotional pain, at the same time, for many different reasons. Poor thing!
I also get annoyed (I can't stop the eye rolls or dripping sarcasm, even when I try) when I hear about women planning their pg for the perfect time. Often something slips out of my mouth (I can't stop it) to the effect of, "Sometimes your body doesn't work on your time frame." This usually results in looks of shock and confusion.
Even worse than my eye roll, though, is when I'm actually happy that people have a little trouble getting pregnant. (Yes, I'm ashamed that I just wrote that sentence.) It makes me cringe when people do "fall" pg the very first time they have unprotected sex. I just get so frustrated when people take children for granted and they are a check off the list rather than a treasured gift.
Sorry for the mini-rant. I guess I still have some bitterness to work through...
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