Because I am rather noticeably pregnant these days, more and more peripheral people in my life are talking/asking me about the pregnancy. Often, they ask me if this is my first pregnancy/child.
Cue awkward pause. I am not at the point where I need to talk about Zach all the time. But neither am I at the point where I can dismiss my first pregnancy and his birth for the sake of a casual conversation. This person may not have wanted to hear about my tragic first pregnancy, but it’s too much a part of the story of this baby for me to just ignore it.
I’ve got the story down to a few sentences, and by now I’m usually able to tell it without shedding a tear. It’s more of an explanation than a request for a pity party, but it still stops people in their tracks. The responses vary, but many of the women end up sharing with me the stories of their own pregnancy losses.
I’ve found that losing Zach has also changed my perspective on this pregnancy. When people ask me, “How are things going?” I pause. On the one hand, I have been extremely sick with seasonal allergies because I’m not taking half of the meds I normally take. Plus, I’m having rather severe sciatic nerve problems that cause me to wince in pain every once in a while. On the other hand, as far as I know the baby’s fine. And that’s the important part. I’m willing to suffer through a few aches and pains as long as I feel reasonably confident that things are progressing as they should.
5 comments:
I'm glad that you've managed to get the explanation down to something short. It's tough, I'm sure, but it wasn't that long ago that you lost Zach.
Thanks for the update....glad things are going along well....I think it is great that you have an answer ready about Zach. He is your first son and should not be forgotten. Praying for you, DH and this sweet baby and an uneventful rest of the pregnancy.
I am glad baby is doing well. SOrry you have a few aches and pains and seasonal allergies. I understand about what you mean about not wanting to forget about Zach. I find myself pausing before answering the question too. While my first pregnancy only went to ten weeks, I feel like I don't want people to forget that I was pregnant once before. It is like validation that there was another child before even if we didn't know a lot about it. I think it takes a lot of courage and bravery to tell people about Zach, plus he will continuously live in your hearts.
It's a tough situation when an innocent, and probably considered benign question puts you in a awkward position. You're not asking for a lot of sympathy and support for your loss right now, but you also don't want to sweep Zach under the rug and pretend he never was. It sounds like you've developed a good answer to that question.
I hope the rest of this pregnancy continues without event. Allergies and pains still suck, even though it could be worse!
I really like your answer to the "how are you feeling?" question. ("I’m willing to suffer through a few aches and pains as long as I feel reasonably confident that things are progressing as they should.")
And glad you've come up with a short, yet accurate explanation for the other question.
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