Thank you all for your words of wisdom about a new blog, etc. There are so many things I wasn’t aware of or hadn’t even considered! I think that when the time comes, I’m probably going to need a knowledgeable blogger to walk me through the whole thing, step by step.
Yesterday I began putting Zach’s memory book together—another of the things I wanted to tick off my list before I got to the end of the third trimester. On the surface, the project is very simple—much less complicated than my other scrapbook projects. All I have to do, basically, is arrange the pictures, mat them and add a few words. I put on a “Bu.ffy” DVD in the background and set to work, naively thinking I’d be able to get most of the album done in an evening (after all, we don’t have a huge number of pictures).
I discovered, however, that while I normally don’t like to write much in the rest of my scrapbooks (go figure—the writer doesn’t like writing in her free time), I felt the need to put a succinct version of Zach’s story in the book. I wrote to him about how much he was wanted and anticipated, and how hard it was to learn that he would never live. It occurred to me as I was writing that this was an incredibly depressing project. Well, duh, but I guess I hadn’t really considered that before. There were times that I had to take a moment to wipe my eyes because my tears were making the page all blurry.
I only got three pages done. That was all I could stand to do. Apparently, this will be a project that is accomplished in stages.
I also realized that I won’t be sharing this book with anyone but M for a long, long time. I just am not in the right place to be able to watch our family members read what I have written. I don’t want to see their reactions.
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5 comments:
I am glad you are taking the time to get this done. I think it is so important to get all your feelings down on paper, as hard as it is, so you will have this to look back on years from now. I know it is precious to you and M, and I don't see the need to share it with anyone else unless you want to at some point. Hope you have a nice week....
I'm a scrapbooker too! -- for about six years now. I got into the hobby specifically with the idea of doing a book for Katie, and I've been collecting stuff for that project for years. But I haven't touched a single page yet. It's hard, but I really applaud you for tackling this! Would love to see any of your pages that you feel like sharing when you're done. : )
I think that in the future you will be very glad that you took the time to do this, even if it is very hard now. As for sharing it, if you are writing things that are very personal I think you are right to keep it between you and M for as long as you need to. You don't owe anything to anyone but yourselves.
Good luck with the project.
Even if you show the book to nobody but your husband, the fact that you are making it will help you in the continued healing process. It will be a way for you and Dh to think back and remember Zach even years down the road. I can be a work in process. There is nothing wrong with cryng as you work on it. Those are tears of love.
I think it's important to have a quiet, private place where you can remember Zach and convey your thoughts ... you shared a tremendous bond that will be part of you forever.
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