I have my first abdominal scan on the calendar. On Friday, April 11 at 8 a.m. I will find out if my second child has kidneys and a bladder. Oh, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t even think about right now. (For those keeping track, I will be 15 weeks; my big scan will come later, but obviously this one is very, very important to me.)
This time around it will be very different. Instead of sitting in a dark room with a tech who is technically not supposed to tell me anything, I will be examined by a highly paid perinatologist whom I hand-picked (he was the doc who confirmed our diagnosis last time and likes to talk; I think I’ll call him Dr. Knows-a-Lot). Also in the room will be M (thank God) and Nurse Kind, whom I work with and know very well. It will be a bright, supportive atmosphere. It’s hard for me to imagine that anything can go wrong when I have so painstakingly put all the right pieces in place.
And yet, it just occurred to me that if we get a bad diagnosis, it will be very very bad. Because the following week, we’re supposed to leave for London for a 9-day vacation. How can we go on vacation after receiving horrific news? And yet, how can we not? I realized that I’ve sort of been assuming that all will go well. Because if it doesn’t, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know how I’ll handle our
nightmare repeated.
***
UPDATE: I should have probably mentioned that although Dr. Knows-a-Lot (he sounds like a Care Bear, doesn't he?) said he didn't believe we have an increased risk for bilateral renal agenesis, repeat cases have been known to happen. I just hope we're not one of those random couples who have something weird in our DNA that causes this, and it really was just a fluke.
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17 comments:
Good luck at your u/s appointment...will be thinking of you that day. It is a big day - and I will be praying it turns out to be much better this time.
I can certainly understand why this scan is so important to you - and the big fact that the atmosphere will be different this time (meaning, where you will be and who will be doing the scan) will make things much easier to get through. I found that, after my own RPL's, the added expertise of those involved in my and baby's care made a huge difference emotionally for me and physically for baby.
I know you are apprehensive, but praying things are perfect! I am glad you are in control of this appointment and have set it up the way you want it. That makes all the difference in the world! I am happy M will be there too!! Glad ya'll have a nice long vacation set up. Praying for peace leading up to the 11th....
Good luck! It sounds like you've done what you need for yourself in terms of emotional support. I remember you said there was a .02 percent chance of having a child with no kidneys. So wouldn't that make it a .004 percent chance of it happening again? That may not help, but I am really hoping it all goes well and you can enjoy the vacation.
I'll be thinking of you.
I can see why you'll be on pins and needles until April 11th. But at least you have been able to set it up so that the people you want will be in the room. I am praying that the only emotions you'll experience in the mean time will be joy and relief.
I am hoping all goes well with the appintment. I am hoping all organs are present and functioning as they should at this stage of the game. Hang in there. Hugs to you while you wait for the scan.
Here's wishing a normal boring textbook pregnancy from here on for you!!
I wish all the luck in the world on your next dr appt. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you recieve great news and you can celebrate it while on your vacation.
I am glad you have surrounded yourself with supportive people this go round. I hope everything goes well and you will be able to enjoy your London vacation.
I will definitely be thinking of you that day.
Good luck my dear. I'll be praying for you!!!
I hope it was a fluke. I'll be thinking of you.
I am sending you loads of positive energy for your pregnancy and most especially the scans. I pray that you have a happy experience at these scans - you are due for lots of happy experiences in your future!
Good luck at your scan....I've been somewhere between terrified and surrealy calm at mine this time around....
J
Well, as one half of "one of those random couples who have something weird in our DNA that causes this," I wish you all the best. Having experienced two pregancies with bilateral renal agenesis, I know how hard it is, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. All the best for your scan.
Ann, I found this comment on a pre-eclampsia board - a mom who had a healthy pregnancy after loosing her first to pre-e used to repeat it to herself. I have repeated it often in the wake of losing Gabriel.
"Faith is not, contrary to the usual ideas, something that turns out to be right or wrong, like a gamblers bet, its an act, an intention, a project, something that makes you, in leaping into the future, go so far, far, far ahead that you shoot clean out of time and right into eternity, which is not the end of time or a whole lot of time or unending time, but timelessness, that old external now." Joanna Russ
I loved it for its reminder that God is in control. Hoping that it brings you comfort.
You and I were pregnant at the same time, and I lost my baby just a few weeks after you lost Zach. I'll be thinking of you on our due dates.
mrs.spit
i have my everything crossed for you!
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