When we started trying to conceive a year ago (and I mean really trying to conceive—temperatures, CM, the whole kit and caboodle), M tentatively asked me whether I really wanted a baby right then, or if I just wanted to prove I could have a baby. See, my plan had been to start trying a year after we got married because I knew I had PCOS (although I didn’t have a name for it at the time), and I knew it would take a while.
I indignantly replied that of course I wanted a baby—how could he even think of saying that?! Yet, looking back, I think maybe M was on to something (he’s wise like that). I knew I wanted children (2.5 of ‘em), but I wasn’t a big “baby person.” When someone brought a baby into the room, I wasn’t one of the women who flocked over, begging to hold the wee one. I cheerfully told everyone that I preferred children when they were maybe 1 or 2, and had more of a personality. I only wanted a baby for myself because a) I couldn’t bear the thought of a life without children and so I wanted to start early, and b) babies eventually grow into small children that are loads of fun.
That was then. Now, after having proven to myself that yes, I am indeed infertile, I love looking at babies. I’ll see one in a restaurant and have difficulty tearing my eyes away. I watched “Three Men and a Baby” last week and marveled over how utterly perfect Mary the baby was. At this point, I think I am more ga-ga about babies than I am about toddlers. It makes M happy. As he puts it, “Now I know you really do want a baby.”
I do. I really, really do.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I remember really feeling like switch had been turned on in me when I finally decided I wanted to have children. Before that, babies, toddlers, I could take them or leave them. Now I long to see them.
I've always been a baby person, and the problem is now like babies even more. I was recently at a bridal shower where there was an adorable 10-week old and I just had to hold her. But when I got her in my arms I had to fight back tears. Despite the sadness, I can't make myself not want to hold babies. I'm like an addict or something.
I've always been one of the so-called "flockers" and now my behavior is even worse. It's like I don't want to give them back, LOL. It just hurts to not have one of my own.
I'm glad your newfound admiration for babies is lighting up your hubby. You will make such a great mom.
I'm also a baby person... but the longer TTCing takes, the more I realize that my lifestyle is going to DRASTICALLY change when we have a baby (um, duh?). And then I get freaked out that I'm not ready.
Even though I know I am totally ready.
I really want one too. (sigh)
Regarding your previous post:
Ooooh statistics are nothin' but trouble! Ha ha ha! Trying having a bicornuate uterus (icky) and PCOS...now those are some laughable stats right there!
I say screw 'em too. Miracles can and do happen, and why can't I have one? It could happen!
It's interesting to see the switch.
Here is the drink--I hope your worst fears don't come true. That the Femara works and if not, other tricks up your doctor's sleeve bring you to a different place a year from now.
Post a Comment