Sex.
Do I have your attention yet? Except, for those of us who are infertile, sex doesn’t have the same blush-and-giggle effect it might have had when we were 16. It often becomes clinical; a necessity, not a means of intimacy. And that is a tragedy.
I debated even writing this post, and I most certainly had to get M’s permission before I would even consider it. You see, M and I have a little bit more of a problem than just my PCOS. I guess you could call it “male factor,” but actually, his swimmers are doing just fine and dandy. It’s more an issue with, um, transportation.
M takes Eff*exor for anxiety (unrelated to trying to conceive). He switched from another medication because of the sexual side effects, but it turns out Eff*exor isn’t too great in that department either. To use an incredibly lame analogy, it’s not that he can’t get the fire hose to the fire; it’s more that it’s hit-or-miss as to whether he can actually get water from the hydrant to come out of the hose. Get my drift? Not surprisingly, this leads to quite a lot of frustration for both of us. Often, we have to wait three days before we can have sex again, which is not very conducive to baby-making—especially when OPKs don’t work for me because I have high LH levels.
We saw a urologist today who specializes in such issues, and she confirmed—there’s nothing wrong with M physically; it’s those pesky anxiety medications. The bad part is, switching to other medications might lower the effectiveness, or cause even more nasty side effects. So he’s going to have to see a psychiatrist to weigh his options.
Imagine this scenario, played out over and over again: “Honey, we have to have sex tonight, because it’s CD15, and there’s a chance I might be ovulating. I don’t have any EWCM, but then again, I never do. So, let’s try really hard to relax, grit our teeth and pray to God it’s going to work.” Next morning: “Oh. My temperature didn’t rise, so I guess I wasn’t ovulating after all. It doesn’t matter that it didn’t work for us. Um, I know last night was really stressful, but could we try again tonight? We don’t want to miss our one chance this cycle.” And on and on.
At this point, I view pregnancy as a needle in a haystack. All the stars must align, and by sheer luck, everything needs to happen at EXACTLY THE RIGHT TIME for us to have a chance in hell. I have to put my faith in God, because what other choice do I have?
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3 comments:
I don't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but I do totally sympathize with that fact that sex is no longer what it used to be. Its not even close to like the movies "lets make a baby" and then for them, it's wonderful and just happens. Me and my DH find it exhausting and I'm sure we don't really enjoy it during that time, but I think we say we do.....sad. Hopefully the psychatrist has some good news. My DH had a bout of depression and found relaxation tapes helped him to get off the drugs.
I too won't pretend to have walked in your shoes. Nothing about infertility is easy. If it isn't dealing with the whole performance to make a child, it is dealing with feeling like you are left out of the equation entirely (as in IUI/IVF, where the doctor does the impregnating.) It's a tough road no matter how you look at it.
nn, I just came across your blog from a comment you left on mine (thanks!). I haven't written about this, but D is in exactly the same boat as M. He also suffers from anxiety, and this fall started taking Lex.apro. Same exact side affect. Since he's been on the drug, we've only done FET cycles, so the work is already done. But for my current IVF cycle, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for retrieval day. It does seem like over time the side effect has diminished. So unfortunately I can't give you any great advice, but it may get better. And I can also say I totally know where you are coming from!
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