Treatment update: I called the RE’s office the other day and was disappointed to find out that he wants me to take metformin for the next cycle, and then I can start on Letrozole. This bummed me out because it basically means that my next baby-making chance probably won’t be until the summer. Then again, I know that starting met is important, and that it takes a while for it to be effective. I feel like I’ve done everything bassackwards by first doing three cycles of Clomid, then starting the met. Oh well. I know by my OPKs that I have high LH levels (although blood tests came back normal), and I’ve read that might be related to insulin. So who knows—maybe met will be the magic pill for me!
Last night, I attended a scrapbook party at my SIL’s office. Everybody there was a mother—except me. As I sat working on my page, I listened to my SIL and her friends discuss doctor’s appointments, temper tantrums, baby groups and the like. I stayed silent, because, well, I had nothing to say. I frequently feel this way when I talk to my SIL or other members of the Mommy Club. It’s like they’re all part of a sorority that has so far excluded me. There are countless opportunities for moms to meet other moms and subsequently schedule play dates and other social opportunities. They welcome each other, because they have a common bond. If I, however, showed up for Stroller Fitness (my SIL’s weekly exercise group), everyone would look at me a bit strangely, and whisper to each other, “What’s she doing here? She’s not a mom!”
I’m not saying that I only want a baby for the social opportunities—far from it. I just feel completely ready to be a cliché, to be a “soccer mom,” or a tee-ball mom, or a kiddie ballet mom. Yet that opportunity has not yet come to me. Instead, I’m forced to grit my teeth and smile as people say to me things like, “When you have kids you’ll understand.”
Please, someone teach me the secret handshake so I can join the club!
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2 comments:
I can so relate to this post. More often than not, I feel infertilities loneliness the most. Especially around childhood friends and family.
Thank you for writing this post - it is so true!
I know exactly what you mean -- down to the point where by the last paragraph, I was already thinking about how much I hate the "when you have kids you'll understand" conundrum. It's rough ... especially when people assume you are childless because you don't *want* children, and they talk about how easy you must have it with no kids to tie you down.
Part of my job involves teaching new parents how to interact with their kids. It's so hard not to feel like a poseur around all the moms!
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