Last night, M and I went to an infertility support group meeting in our area. I had visited the group once before—the facilitators are wonderful women who both had twins through IVF—and I was excited for M to experience it. Except, by the end of the night, I ended up feeling worse than I had felt before the meeting. I’m not sure exactly why, but I can take a few guesses:
1) I had finally gotten to a place where I could coast along, focus on the rest of my life and semi-patiently wait for next cycle, when I can start Letrozole. But then, I talked about the frustration of infertility for two hours, and suddenly I was back in the depths of depression.
2) When I mentioned I will be starting Letrozole soon, one of the women (who doesn’t have PCOS, but does have long cycles) immediately said, “Oh, I tried that. It didn’t do anything for me.” My face must have visibly fallen, because one of the facilitators immediately said that medications work differently for different people. Intellectually, I know that, but it still hurt to hear someone say that the medication I’m looking forward to using didn’t work for her.
3) There was a woman there who is going the “natural route” with a naturalist, etc. Unintentionally, she made the rest of us feel like the medications we are taking are doing nothing but screwing with our bodies.
4) I felt like I was rehashing many of the feelings I had already worked out on my own, except this time it was a new audience I was sharing those feelings with.
5) I discovered that my IF clinic is one of the most expensive in the area. Great. So should I get to IUI, I’m going to have to either suck it up or switch doctors.
I think support groups can be wonderful. However, I’m going to stick with just blogging for the time being. In this venue, I can write my thoughts without any interruption of judgment, and read about the trials of others at my leisure. Somehow, it seems to intrude in my life a little less than sitting around the table with a bunch of fellow infertiles, all of us convinced that we know what treatments are the best way to get pregnant.
I'm still feeling a little bummed, but I'm hoping I'll be able to snap out of it over the weekend.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Wow, Ann, what a post! I can see without a doubt why you would have left the group feeling low. I really can't understand why some people who are going to a group for support don't realize that it flows both ways...
I have never attended a support group, so I don't have personal experience to share in this area. I think that you are probably making the right decision to stick with blogging for the meantime if this is the "support" you received. The blog-world seems really non-threatening and non-judgemental, a place where you can be heard and where you can learn. I think that one day it would be fabulous to ba able to meet one another face to face, but perhaps becasue we haven't is why we "work" so well together.
Thanks for your comment, Ms. C. I don't blame anyone at the meeting for how I felt afterward--I think everyone there was genuinely trying to embrace the idea of a support group. I just think we were all (myself included) so consumed with our own battles, it was difficult to fully understand each other's battles. I had a great conversation after the meeting with one of the facilitators (a fellow PCOS-er), and I think I may call her up in the future to use as a sounding board.
I agree with you about the face-to-face meeting. Serenity is trying to plan a North America infertility meet-up. I was originally interested, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's better to remain anonymous. Sort of like not rooming with your best friend, because you're afraid it would destroy the friendship. :)
Ha. I like the comparision... it's like rooming with your best friend. I can totally see how in a group of infertiles, people would jump in with a 'been there done that' comment - but it's interesting that the facilators didn't have some sort of 'respect rule' - to try and aviod people stomping on each other's excitement (even if it's well meaning).
Wow, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with the support group. I've been to a couple peer discussions on IF, and they've been very positive. I wish your experience was the same so you'd be more inclined to come to the blogger meet-up.
I love the blogging community, both getting support and giving it. I'm sorry the in-person group didn't seem to contain the same wonderful supportive people I have found on in the blogging community. Or maybe you're right, it's just too hard face-to-face.
Ouch, that "support" group doesn't sound very supportive.
And I can say from experience that letrozole works just fine -- I had a lovely follicle this month and none of the over-stim that I get with clomid. So there *sticks tongue out at woman from Ann's group*.
Post a Comment