To add to my ever-increasing list of ailments, I got a urinary tract infection last night. Ugh. I was in tears, simply because I’m sick of having something wrong with me all the time. I decided I needed immediate attention and paged my poor RE because I was terrified this meant I would have to cancel my cycle. Also, I had read online that a urinary tract infection could be a side effect of Femara. Dr. Hot gave me a prescription for antibiotics and reassured me, slightly exasperatedly, that this doesn’t affect my cycle in the least. I think he thinks I’m crazy.
And, as it turns out, I am. I’m suffering from multiple personality disorder at the moment regarding my upcoming follie scan on Friday. Here’s what’s going on inside my head:
Living-in-the-moment Ann: I am going to get over my bladder infection, and do my work this week just like any other week, and not think about my appointment on Friday. Because what if it goes badly? I can’t hinge my entire week on a doctor’s appointment!
Hopeful Ann: Oh, but won’t I feel just fantastic when/if I find out I have one or two sizeable follies! And why shouldn’t I? I mean, it’s not as if Clomid was a complete bust—it just didn’t work quite as it should. Femara hasn’t made me crazy like Clomid did; that’s got to be a sign, right? And I’ve heard plenty of stories of PCOS women who tried Clomid and it didn’t work, and they tried Femara and got pregnant on their first try! It could happen! It could, it could, it could!
Pessimistic Ann: Yes, well, I know plenty of other stories of women who didn’t get jack-squat from Femara. What makes you think you’re going to be one of the lucky ones? You certainly haven’t been very lucky so far. Just look at the title of your blog!
Hungry Ann: I’m hungry.
Scientific Ann: Well, you know that Femara works in a completely different way to increase estrogen than Clomid does, blah, blah, blah. So your reaction to Clomid is completely unrelated to what your reaction will be to Femara. And, you have ovulated before, so you have the capability.
British Ann: So chin up, old sport! You could be in for a jolly good scan on Friday!
Pessimistic Ann: I’m not holding my breath. I’ve had so many disappointments so far, it’s hard to imagine things actually working the way they should. And I haven’t even “put in my time” yet. We’ve only been trying for 14 months, and most women with PCOS take longer than that.
Even More Pessimistic Ann: Well, but you’ve forgotten the possibility of a miscarriage. You could easily make your “quota” of at least two years TTC with a couple of miscarriages. Hahahaha—take that, Hopeful Ann!
Hungry Ann: Is it lunchtime yet?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
I shouldn't be laughing, but this is really really funny. Mostly because I go through all of those chicklet's regularly!
I also liked your note about "putting in your time" cuz we've been trying for 20 months and I struggle with that a lot - that compare to some people, it's not long so buck up, suck it up, but for me it's an eternity! It's a really weird line of what's enough time to have put in or not.
Good luck getting rid of the UTI - I get them regularly so am really really feeling for ya.
The addition of "hungry Ann" made me laugh.
It's hard - IF pulls you in so many different diretions. I want the opportunity to hopeful, but don't want to be hurt; I want to be realistic, but let dreams slip in; I always want to eat.
I understand the "putting in your time" idea as well. We've been trying for >30 months, but so many people have tried longer. We're only on IUI, whereas some people are doing IVF/ICSI or donor eggs or adoption. I try to get these thoughts out of my head, though. I have to remind myself that we will all get to our goal in our own way. IF has a unique pain that is not measured in months or procedures, and we shouldn't judge ourselves by these measuring points either. Don't let other people's disappointments keep you from hoping. If 14 months is your golden time, we will all be thrilled for you!
I LOVED this post. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has conversations like this in her mind. :-)
I've been all those people too!
Sorry about the UTI, hope it moves on quickly.
I shouldn't be laughing either, but I have had many of these "Anns" before, only they were Beckys. Maaaaajor bummer about the UTI!
This all sounds just like me, but without the PCOS-specific stuff. Right now, I'm at the pessimistic stage. I think of it as "not getting my hopes up."
hi anns! i'm sorry to hear about your UTI. that sucks. i can identify with the suckiness of having something wrong all of the time....i've a bad foot right now and it's nearly enough to push me over the edge as it's "just one more thing wrong with me."
loved reading all of your different anns....i'm glad i'm not the only one who has this affliction!
"My name is Ann and I'm an IF junkie."
"Hi Ann!"
Your post is frighteningly like my feelings during each of my cycles. I'll be drivng down the road and hear a song that makes me cry convinced I'm a failure, then turn the station and I'm immediately on Dance Party USA thinking my cycle is a big hit and so are my singing skills.
Hang in there Anns. I've got a lot of Jennas who can keep you company.
I'm with hungry Ann....where is that lunch?? :)
Hang in there.
Great post! I'm with hungry Ann at the moment :)
Would all of your Anns like to come over and hang sometime with all of my Pamelas? It would be quite a party, I'm thinking...great post.
I'd listen to Hungry Ann, well because that it is something you can take care of :). Wishing you luck with the scan.
Oh Ann!!! You really do have Multiple Personality Disorder! - kidding! I totally get this, I've got voices in my head all the time (mostly toward the end of a cycle) telling me to "be realistic", "prepare for the worst", "this could be it" and all sorts of rubbish! You deserve a big hug for putting up with all this!
I really hope to hear some good news friday!
I'm with Hungry Ann!
Sorry about the UTI
It is amazing what all of this can do to our state of mind. I think I like Hungry Ann the best...she's so my type!! :)
Nothing like pumping yourself full of hormones to bring on the multiple personalities...
Post a Comment