Huh?

Last night at Bible study, talk turned to babies (which is natural, since two out of the five people there were pregnant, and two more were expectant fathers). In the prayer requests, I mentioned my mild apprehension about Friday’s ultrasound (which, by the way, is the one in which the peri is able to see the chambers of the heart; at the 15-week ultrasound, he simply wasn’t able to do the full anatomy scan). B, the other expectant father, said he wonders what the “Big Ultrasound” is like the 2nd or 3rd time around. It must not be very exciting at all, he said—“OK, there’s the heart, the liver, the bladder, etc.” Not nearly as exciting as the first time!

Let me stop mid-story for a second. B and his wife, A, have become good friends of ours over the past year. They’ve been very sensitive since we lost Zach, and we’ve all been very open about how we’re feeling. That said, B is more the stereotype of the typical “clueless guy” when it comes to babies. He’s also (several times) expressed his disappointment that they’re having a girl.

Thinking that B had just inadvertently stuck his foot in his mouth, I explained that while, yes, an ultrasound can be exciting, that’s not the purpose. The purpose is to rule out potentially bad things. I have no excitement for Friday’s ultrasound, I told him—just excitement for it to be over.

The thing is, he still didn’t get it. He kept on repeating that by the 2nd or 3rd time, it must be getting kind of old. His wife, I think, understood my point (and I wonder what their conversation was like during the car ride home!), but I felt like I was talking to dead air.

Unfortunately, I think I explained it best to M—after everyone had already left: If an ordinary day is a 0, with an exciting day at a +10 and a devastating day at a -10, then B was thrilled that he had a +10 day when they had their 20-week ultrasound. Our 20-week ultrasound was a -10 day. I am fervently hoping for a 0 day on Friday. B, however, hates the idea of having 0 days for the rest of his ultrasounds to come. His idea of boring is my idea of excitement. Just to have avoided a -10 day actually makes it a +10 day for me!

Did you get all of that?

Of course, talking to M was like preaching to the choir. He, too, was kind of irked at B for insisting on his argument—especially considering the company he was in. I’m having a hard time letting go of the conversation and reminding myself that B didn’t mean to hurt us; he was just being ignorant and naïve. It makes me very, very glad, however, that I have such a sensitive guy for a husband! Even before our experience, he would have “gotten it,” and if he accidentally stuck his foot in his mouth with a friend, he would be furiously backpedaling to try to make it up to them.

(And by the way, I’m really not in as much of a tizzy about Friday as I sound. I’ll just be very glad when it’s over.)