On Tuesday, I took an OPK test and got a negative. After getting a positive on Wednesday (CD 16, for what it's worth), I called the clinic and set up an appt. for an IUI Thursday morning. Then, Wednesday night at about 10:30 p.m., I started experiencing enough cramping that I had to take an Advil. Sure enough, when I took my temp Thursday morning, it was just high enough to make me wonder whether I had already ovulated.
See, I had elected not to do an u/s this first time, because OPKs have been working so well for me. But I was so paranoid I requested an u/s before my IUI at 10:45 a.m. on Thursday. I was right--I had already ovulated. The doctor told me the IUI could still work 12-24 hours after I ovulated, and I was at 12 1/2 hours, so I went ahead with it. After all, a 102 million sperm count is nothing to scoff at! But I have to laugh at the fact that my first $1300 IUI may very well be a bust because I was too late. It figures.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Whoa
After nearly 5 years of being in the infertility blogosphere, I am about to make my first foray into ART.
Today is CD1, and I have just completed my 3rd letrozole cycle. Which came after 6 months of waiting for my thyroid to cooperate, which came after 4 months of trying the old-fashioned way. Today, Dr. Hot just gave me the go-ahead to do IUI with letrozole this cycle.
I'm half freaked out and half really, really excited.
I'm not sure why I'm excited. IUI doesn't have spectacularly high success rates. But even if I don't get pregnant this way, it brings me that much closer to IVF. And that truly does freak me out for a variety of reasons:
1. It's an incredible amount of money (my insurance doesn't cover a penny).
2. It's an incredible amount of shots.
3. I'm pretty sure I won't sleep a wink for the entire month.
So here we go. Wheee.
Today is CD1, and I have just completed my 3rd letrozole cycle. Which came after 6 months of waiting for my thyroid to cooperate, which came after 4 months of trying the old-fashioned way. Today, Dr. Hot just gave me the go-ahead to do IUI with letrozole this cycle.
I'm half freaked out and half really, really excited.
I'm not sure why I'm excited. IUI doesn't have spectacularly high success rates. But even if I don't get pregnant this way, it brings me that much closer to IVF. And that truly does freak me out for a variety of reasons:
1. It's an incredible amount of money (my insurance doesn't cover a penny).
2. It's an incredible amount of shots.
3. I'm pretty sure I won't sleep a wink for the entire month.
So here we go. Wheee.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Crap
I don't swear often, but there's only one word for all this infertility stuff--mindfuck.
Despite all my "foolproof" symptoms, I have two failed pregnancy tests and a period (that came on Saturday) to prove I was a fool. Oh well. Honestly, the waiting is the hard part. I can deal with failure more than the waiting...the night before I was going to test (on CD13), I couldn't sleep. Yes, I was that keyed.
So, we begin Round 3 on letrozole. I've been counting the months, trying to guess how many cycles my doctor will let me go through (with sex alone, and then with IUI), and I figure that if it comes to this, I would probably be doing IVF by next summer. Not that I'm there yet, but I have to be planning for failure in order not to be too surprised by it.
Despite all my "foolproof" symptoms, I have two failed pregnancy tests and a period (that came on Saturday) to prove I was a fool. Oh well. Honestly, the waiting is the hard part. I can deal with failure more than the waiting...the night before I was going to test (on CD13), I couldn't sleep. Yes, I was that keyed.
So, we begin Round 3 on letrozole. I've been counting the months, trying to guess how many cycles my doctor will let me go through (with sex alone, and then with IUI), and I figure that if it comes to this, I would probably be doing IVF by next summer. Not that I'm there yet, but I have to be planning for failure in order not to be too surprised by it.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Dolor exquisito
I was looking through my archives and came across this post on the 2ww from nearly four years ago. Ironically, I could be writing this exact post today.
Just like I was on that cold, January day in 2008, I am 10dpo. And just like they were then, my boobs are killing me now. The thing I'm trying really, really hard not to focus on is the fact that 8 1/2 months after I wrote that post, Tyler was born.
The funny thing is, I've been poking my boobs, hoping desperately for boob pain, for about a year now (with, of course, the 6-month break to fix my thyroid). I've been looking for soreness, but I would describe what I'm feeling now as a sharp pain. Was it like this before? I have no idea--four years ago, people! I do know, however, that I'm not imagining it.
The key difference between now and four years ago, of course, is that I am not freshly grieving the loss of a baby. Instead, I am chasing around a 3-year-old. And that in itself is a reason to take this week in stride...
Just like I was on that cold, January day in 2008, I am 10dpo. And just like they were then, my boobs are killing me now. The thing I'm trying really, really hard not to focus on is the fact that 8 1/2 months after I wrote that post, Tyler was born.
The funny thing is, I've been poking my boobs, hoping desperately for boob pain, for about a year now (with, of course, the 6-month break to fix my thyroid). I've been looking for soreness, but I would describe what I'm feeling now as a sharp pain. Was it like this before? I have no idea--four years ago, people! I do know, however, that I'm not imagining it.
The key difference between now and four years ago, of course, is that I am not freshly grieving the loss of a baby. Instead, I am chasing around a 3-year-old. And that in itself is a reason to take this week in stride...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
13 dpo
So here I am, on the morning of my son's 3rd birthday party, and all I can focus on is the fact that I'm slightly crampy. Crap.
To catch you up...turns out I did end up ovulating on CD18. Yay for me. And so I've been back in the two-week wait again. And let me tell you, the fact that my boobs have not been hurting over the past few days has really been hurting me emotionally.
It's been a year now. We had four unsuccessful cycles on our own last fall and winter, then I took a six-month break to get my thyroid in order, and now this is our first Femara cycle. While I'm grateful I ovulated, ovulation doesn't do any good if you don't get pregnant.
I wish I could just focus on Tyler and all the other things in my life. Instead, I feel like I have mentally put everything else on hold until I find out if this cycle worked. And what happens when my period comes? Well, then it's all for nothing.
God, I wish this didn't mean as much to me.
To catch you up...turns out I did end up ovulating on CD18. Yay for me. And so I've been back in the two-week wait again. And let me tell you, the fact that my boobs have not been hurting over the past few days has really been hurting me emotionally.
It's been a year now. We had four unsuccessful cycles on our own last fall and winter, then I took a six-month break to get my thyroid in order, and now this is our first Femara cycle. While I'm grateful I ovulated, ovulation doesn't do any good if you don't get pregnant.
I wish I could just focus on Tyler and all the other things in my life. Instead, I feel like I have mentally put everything else on hold until I find out if this cycle worked. And what happens when my period comes? Well, then it's all for nothing.
God, I wish this didn't mean as much to me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Yuck
It's been raining outside for five days. Kinda matches my mood today.
The good news: I'm finally within range with my TSH level, so my endocrinologist gave the go-ahead to do a letrozole cycle, 5 mg.
The bad news: I went in for an u/s today, and my biggest follicles were each 13 mm. On CD13. UGGHH! I go back for another u/s in 4 days, but Mark goes out of town in 5 days. Looks like I'm not responding well with letrozole anymore. So basically I'm in a year into this baby-making thing, and I'm back at the beginning with trying to figure out how to make me ovulate. It sounds like my doctor feels like I'm a good candidate for IVF, but our insurance doesn't cover any of it. Which means the next step will probably make us $16,000 poorer.
The good news: I'm finally within range with my TSH level, so my endocrinologist gave the go-ahead to do a letrozole cycle, 5 mg.
The bad news: I went in for an u/s today, and my biggest follicles were each 13 mm. On CD13. UGGHH! I go back for another u/s in 4 days, but Mark goes out of town in 5 days. Looks like I'm not responding well with letrozole anymore. So basically I'm in a year into this baby-making thing, and I'm back at the beginning with trying to figure out how to make me ovulate. It sounds like my doctor feels like I'm a good candidate for IVF, but our insurance doesn't cover any of it. Which means the next step will probably make us $16,000 poorer.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Something new: Waiting
And so I find myself waiting for a period. Impatiently.
Although my TSH still isn't quite right, my wonderful new endocrinologist feels that we're getting closer. She put me on a new dose of meds last week and gave me the go-ahead to take Femara this cycle, provided I get a TSH level on CD11 to ensure that it has continued to go down.
I took my last Provera pill on Monday, and now I wait. I had forgotten this frustration--trying to plan Mark's business trips around when we think I might possibly get my period. I've already waited 6 months, and now I simply can't fathom the thought that it could be another week before I get my period (in the past, I've gotten it anywhere from 2-12 days after my last Provera pill). One happy thought: The last two times I've had this frustrating Provera wait were right before the cycles in which we conceived Zach and Tyler.
Mark does have a business trip completely riding on when I get this period. It's actually better for him the longer I have to wait, but honestly, I don't think I can stand much more of this! And then there's always the possibility that my TSH won't have fallen enough. Such a narrow window that the doctors want my TSH to be in...
Although my TSH still isn't quite right, my wonderful new endocrinologist feels that we're getting closer. She put me on a new dose of meds last week and gave me the go-ahead to take Femara this cycle, provided I get a TSH level on CD11 to ensure that it has continued to go down.
I took my last Provera pill on Monday, and now I wait. I had forgotten this frustration--trying to plan Mark's business trips around when we think I might possibly get my period. I've already waited 6 months, and now I simply can't fathom the thought that it could be another week before I get my period (in the past, I've gotten it anywhere from 2-12 days after my last Provera pill). One happy thought: The last two times I've had this frustrating Provera wait were right before the cycles in which we conceived Zach and Tyler.
Mark does have a business trip completely riding on when I get this period. It's actually better for him the longer I have to wait, but honestly, I don't think I can stand much more of this! And then there's always the possibility that my TSH won't have fallen enough. Such a narrow window that the doctors want my TSH to be in...
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