The big O

Well, slap my ass and call me Sally, I think I may have ovulated! On CD17 or 18!

I have had some restless nights recently, which makes it difficult to temp (because, of course, you need to have had at least three hours of sleep to get an accurate temp). However, I have still had four days in a row of high temps! I’m thinking all four days can’t have been due to bad sleep. Plus, on CD18, when I wiped I noticed my “area” was rather slick (I know, I know—TMI), which made me think of my ever-elusive friend, EWCM. So I must grudgingly admit that my good friend Jo was right when she said pregnancy hormones can whip my PCOS ass into shape—at least temporarily. I’ll take what I can get.

And yes, we did have timed sex—on either the day of or the day before ovulation. So I think I’m finding myself in the good ol’ 2ww again. I’m trying my hardest not to care, to view this as a “bonus cycle” because I didn’t expect to be able to try again until February. But damn, it’s hard not caring! I find myself caught in that vicious cycle, again, of counting forward nine months and planning my life as if I could actually get pregnant and carry to term. You’d think I would have learned my lesson. Plus, my period started only seven weeks after we lost Zach, which makes me wonder if we started trying too soon. The only thing worse than not being pregnant is getting pregnant and then miscarrying because my uterus just wasn’t ready.

I know the ovulation thing may not seem like a big deal to most of you, but it's huge for me! This is the first time I've ovulated and had timed sex without estrogen-inhibiting medication. See, my PCOS doesn't just mean I have long cycles; it means I rarely ovulate at all, which can be rather, um, counterproductive to getting pregnant. Sucks, doesn't it?

So I wait, and try not to hope too much…