I think I must get some kind of high out of causing trouble. Several times over the past week, people (mostly family members) have made reference to the fact that I’m pregnant on Mother’s Day. As in: “Happy Mother-to-Be Day!” or “Next year you’ll be able to celebrate Mother’s Day” (that one came from my Grandma). Each time, rather than letting it go, I decided to remind the well-wisher that I’m not just a mother-to-be; I’m already a mother. My child is just in heaven.
Cue an awkward silence, then a lot of blustering and back-pedaling.
Then, while I was talking with my brother (who is expecting a baby in August), he was babbling about how they might be moving this summer, and he might be getting a new job, but the only “definite” in their family is that they’ll be having a baby. I briefly considered, then decided to go ahead with what I wanted to say, regardless of the potential tastelessness of it. “Well, B,” I said, “you know, nothing is ever definite.” Fortunately, he had the grace to be embarrassed for forgetting his audience, rather than being pissed off at me for suggesting that his baby might die.
In my hormonal state, I appear to have lost my “social filter.”
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20 comments:
But is it always a bad thing to lose your social filter??? I kind of like it when somebody just says it like it is. Other than dealing with thoughtlessness, I hope you had a wonderful mother's day.
Don't apologize!!!! People need to be more sensitive and remember Zach....I would have done the same thing...A lot of time people speak without even thinking and it drives me crazy!!!! I totally agree that you need to remind people not to take things for granted and keep Zach's memory alive. Continuing to pray for you...hope you have a nice week...
You know I kinda felt like that this week too. I did not want anybody to forget that last year was right after the miscarriage and I didn't seem to have a problem telling people that I felt awkward and funny about it. I felt the same way you did about being a mother whose child was in heaven. You were just voicing your true opinion and there is just nothing wrong with remembering Zach and what you as a mother went through. I hope you had a nice mother's Day.
I think you're my hero, Ann, lol. I wish I had the cojones to be so honest & call a spade a spade when someone says something dumb to me. Why should we always be the ones to swallow hard & play nice when people make these assumptions? Maybe next time, these people will think twice before they open their mouths. (Maybe.)
I'm glad you set them straight...but it is a shame you had to. Especially family.
I don't think it is hormones. I think it is important that they don't forget their family member!
I think it's good to make people think of things like that. No one ever does. And people definitely need to know when to get their foot out of their mouth.
I'd say you're doing a service...but sorry you had to
I think I've lost my filter, too. I'm glad you spoke up.
A social filter is not necessarily a good thing. It may protect others from being embarrassed but it doesn't protect you from being hurt.
If being a little direct and causing a few moments discomfort can make people more sensitive it can only be a good thing.
It is healthy. Why should you be the one to carry the burden of being hurt, angry, disappointed on your own? A few simple words from you and those people will not take your feelings for granted.
They aren't being cruel either, they are just thoughtless. You have 'helped' them see the error of their ways ;)
I say well done.
I don't see anything wrong with losing your filter. Sometimes I get so tired of having to concern myself for other people's feelings when no one seems to care about mine.
Go you!!
I don't see anything wrong with losing your filter. Sometimes I get so tired of having to concern myself for other people's feelings when no one seems to care about mine.
Go you!!
Do not apologize. You shouldn't feel guilty for fighting against the forgetting of your child.
People have a block against loss and death in the young, but your first baby deserves rememberance even if others get uncomfortable.
Stuff the social filter, it's true.
J
You go, girl! I think these are the things that other people (you know, them fertile people) need to recognize. That not ALL people have the luxury of having their lives tied neatly in a bow...
I think it's great you spoke up. You might've regretted it if you didn't.
Glad to know there are so many others here who don't like social filters! I've never had much of one myself, and I kind of appreciate when other people tell it like it is instead of making me guess how they feel.
And as a fellow infertile, I feel that even if you hadn't had and lost Zach, just getting this far in a pregnancy deserves some credit. No "next year you'll be a mother" business!
Social filters are overrated, truly.
Take it from someone with a big mouth! :)
I love your comments / responses. It is the truth and it sounds like they need a reminder.
I'm glad you lost your filter. I was told there was no death in my family by my boss (twice!), and the second time I went off and fully corrected her. Sometimes our filters only eliminate social awkwardness by avoiding the truth.
zzka
I am, for the most part, unoffendable. SO I think it's funny when I watch people back-pedaling for something thy sid to me.
Good for your brother too.
lol. The zzka in the previous post was from word verification. I didn't realize I typed it in the wrong box until it was too late!
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