I was so anxious last night about testing this morning, I woke up practically every hour. Finally, at 2 a.m., I figured it was close enough to morning to POAS. BFN. I didn’t even cry. I just went back to bed and laid there for a while before switching locations so maybe I’d be able to finish my night’s sleep. I guess the cramps were just early AF symptoms. (And please don’t tell me that 12DPO might have been too early; I’m pretty sure this is it. Now I just have to wait for my period.)
I tend to be an extremist. Things are black or white; never gray. I either want a job or I don’t. Somebody either is my friend, or she isn’t. So throughout this process, I’ve convinced myself that if something doesn’t work the first time, it never will. I know this is ridiculous, but, well, that’s me. I’ve already decided that if I don’t notice any EWCM this next time around, I’m going to request IUI for my third round of Femara. No sense in wasting cycle after cycle. (But, then again, there’s a little whisper inside of me that says everything was perfect this time, and it was only by chance that I didn’t get pregnant.)
I can’t forget that I accomplished my main goal for this cycle—ovulation. Anything else would have been icing on the cake. Regardless, I still feel like crap today. I’m embarrassed to say I actually threw up this morning before going to work.
Though I am still struggling in the depths of despair (OK, I’m being overdramatic, I’m not actually that depressed), I must give a shout-out to Ms. C, Ultimatejourney and The Reluctant Baroness, all of whom recently got their BFPs. Ladies, you give the rest of us hope!
16 comments:
it certainly never gets any easier, does it? i'm so sorry.
I don't want to give you false hope and I know you've heard it all before but the second time I was pregnant - I tested on cd13 and got a negative only to test a few days later and got a very light positive. It really can be too early. But if it is still negative in the next few days try to look forward to the next cycle. As you know, you have to ovulate to get pregnant and you have been able to accomplish this first very important step!! And just for the record - I did not have any EWCM when I ovulated on femara - I am pretty sure my body had no idea I was even ovulating! I understand how you feel though -it's a let down - but it will probably happen when you least expect it!! I still have a lot of hope for you!!! - Lisa
I'm sorry about the results. I remember also being thrilled after my first successful ovulation cycle (although not so thrilled about OHSS). I told myself I didn't really think it would work, but now that I knew I could ovulate, the next cycle would be the one. Still, I too was surprised by how much the BFN hurt. It's great to ovulate, but that's not the ultimate goal, no matter what we tell ourselves.
You're not being over dramatic. Of course it hurts. When you want something so badly and you do everything you can to achieve it, well that's a lot of hope and effort. The flip side of hope, unfortunately, is disappointment and that's hard to take. I think you are being too hard on yourself. You've every right to feel this way.
It could also be too early.
Bummer! I hear you..
This whole thing is so arbitrary. That's what frustrates me the most.
Its your blog and you can vent all you want. And no, you are not being dramatic at all.
gg
Oh, dear. Sorry here, too. I read somewhere that a perfect cycle with well-timed intercourse and no other issues results in something like a 30-35% chance of a pregnancy (?) Depends on age group, of course. I think that stat was for whatever age group I was in at the time. Anyway, It helped me to keep that in mind; hope it helps you too. And of course, vent away with no fears of being dramatic. That's what your blog is for.
I'm sorry, hon. You're completely justified in being upset. Ovulation is a good start, though. Keep your chin up.
Honey... I'm so so sorry. I wish this was it for you. You are certainly not bein over dramatic. A negative always hurts like hell.
It's great that you did ovulate, but I know at this point in the cycle that is of little consolation. I'm hoping next time is it, and I agree that you think about taking it a step further for the cycle after that (though I hope that you don't get there!)
Thanks for the shout out... I don't think that your logic is at all faulty- you're right- if it can happen to me, it can happen to you. That's called hope, and it's what's kept me plugging through the last few years.
Hugs to you.
Sorry you got the BFN, I know how much those suck - even when you're prepared for it. But I think you've got the right attitude - thankful that you ovulated cuz that IS something, pissed that it all sucks so much. Cuz seriously, it does all suck. There's rare moments it doesn't.
If you're a drinker, go pour yourself something stiff. You deserve it after a BFN.
Ann, I'm so sorry :( I'm sending you a big hug.
Oh, I'm so sorry hon.
BFN's suck.
That's why I don't test any more, unless I'm real late.
I guess, to try and be helpful, I'd like to point out that your blog title is very pertinent. Roughly 20 percent of couples will conceive each ovuatory cycle. If everything else did work, well that's pretty encouraging. But you know all that. You just need some time to feel crap about the BFN.
Hang in there.....
I agree with Chicklet ... I'm happy to pour - are you a wine, beer, gin or vodka woman?
I'm so sorry.
I got the same this month, with out POAS but reguardless it is the same. :(
Congrats on O though.
((Hugs))
Don't forget that this is like starting all over again- this is the first time your ovaries have behaved themselves- it can take 6 or more cycles for a woman who ovulates every month to get pregnant. Phooey on the BFN though, still :(.
Oh man, that sucks. I am so sorry. Pamper yourself for a while {{hugs}}
I'm sorry.
Post a Comment