How I'm feeling--5w2d

In answer to Ms. C’s question on my last post, I thought I’d give you the rundown on how I’m feeling so far:

1. Boob soreness: My breasts are a bit tender, but only when I poke them. I have to admit it’s reassuring, because I didn’t start feeling the tenderness until after I tested positive.

2. Indigestion: This is probably my worst symptom so far. I’ve always had occasional intestinal problems (read: the need to rush to the bathroom for an unspecified amount of time), but I’m having them more often now. We tailgated at a baseball game on Saturday, and I found myself feeling absolutely miserable in a ballpark bathroom. Ugh.

3. Food cravings/aversion: I still get hungry, but my tolerance for food is getting much narrower. I simply can’t handle eating a big meal like I could before, and my favorite foods don’t necessarily sound appetizing. My first craving? As we watched a musical (“Sweet Charity”) on Sunday night, I couldn’t get Taco Bell off my mind. We stopped there on the way home, and I was incredibly (unreasonably) upset because they were so slow. When M finally got our order, they gave me a Chalupa instead of a burrito! I angrily went to the counter and practically threw the Chalupa at them, not thinking about the fact that M might still want to eat the Chalupa while we were waiting for the burrito. Um, I might have been just a tad crazy that night. Which brings me to…

4. Mood swings: This is a recent development in the past few days. I come home from work angry at M, and he hasn’t even done anything yet. I sat in my windowless office yesterday morning and felt like I was going to scream. I cry at the drop of a hat. It feels like I’m on Clomid. Only, this time, I’m under the influence for EIGHT MONTHS!

5. Listlessness: I feel like I can’t get anything done at work. I have no desire to accomplish anything. I swear I’m not a lazy person, and I’m not totally freaking out about miscarriage every second, but the workday seems so long, and the week seems neverending. I also feel a bit tired more often, but I’m not sure how much of that is in my head.

The hard part about listing these symptoms is that some of them could be psychosomatic. You know what I’m talking about—I know that I’m pregnant, so my mind tells my body it’s OK to be completely INSANE. And, of course, there’s part of me that wonders if any of this—including the pregnancy—is real at all, or if I’m just in some elaborate fantasy.

Let me be clear: I am not complaining. I have just learned that even once you achieve your heart’s desire, your hormones still find plenty of things in life that bother them. Our bodies are not programmed to be completely, deliriously happy.